Lessons of a MPW
by Christie Hart
Summary: Four guys. Four babies on the way. One house, and one very mad, pregnant woman.
1. Prologue

So here it is, my next story; short chapters, edited by me, foul, and zero seriousness. It's written 'diary style', so, rarely, will you see anything "poetic" in here. That being said, it doesn't mean I won't try to be grammatically correct at all times. Here it goes. You might think I'm joking, but I warned you. Hold onto your seat folks, it's going to be an .. interesting ride.

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**Lessons of a Mad Pregnant Woman **

_I've never been one to keep a record of my life's events. Truthfully, I've never deemed my life interesting enough to write it down on paper. But as of lately, my life has taken an unexpected turn. So now, I vow to document my days in hopes of emphasizing just how precious they are. Looking back on my own experiences, I've realized that there's so much in the world that I have missed. I would hate for you to miss it too._

_ You won't be able to read this for a while, for various reasons. For starters, I seem to have a vulgar mouth and a lack of filter. But I suppose you'll realize this as you read on. That is, assuming, when you read this. I don't even know how I'll go about giving this to you –but the point is, I want you to have it. Some people go through life wishing that they'd had guidance, or a rule book for life. This is my guidance. This is my way of preparing you for a world that can bring you joy, heartache, anger, and… more joy. Take my words and heed them; I promise they'll help … okay, most of them will help. The rest will be completely useless, but entertaining. And, God forbid, there should ever be a time when I'm not there, you have something to look back on. _

_So what's my first piece of advice?_

_Tip: Remember that there is always someone who loves you. No matter how low you feel, or how alone you think you are, there is at least one person who loves you. In this case –it's me. Don't forget that. _

_Love, MPW _


	2. On James Matheson

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.  
Note: No offense to anyone named James Matheson.

* * *

**Lesson # 1: Never Sleep with Men Named James Matheson.**

"James, open the door!" I screamed, "Son of a bitch!"

I smacked my fists against the door, and yelled bloody murder. Clad in nothing but booty shorts and a tank top, I was quite a sight to behold. A few neighbors peeked out at me behind the safety of their windows, not even attempting to offer me assistance.

How chivalrous.

_Tip: If you ever see a woman dressed like a semi-stripper, you should probably help her. You never know what she's been through. _

The window creaked open to reveal two pasty white hands, and a black suitcase. James unceremoniously dumped the luggage into the yard before flinging my belongings haphazardly. I cursed every person in his lineage as my shirts, skirts, and trinkets hit the ground.

Leaving every shred of dignity I owned at the door, I began to collect my things. It was like a fucking Easter egg hunt at two in the morning. He didn't even throw my things in one area; he spread them out around the yard –one heel in the east and another in the west.

"James," I landed a kick in the center of the door, hard enough to rattle the window of the shitty little house. In actuality, all I wanted to do was kick the shitty little house's shitty little owner.

_Tip: Kicking solves everything. _

"Bella, you have all your stuff, now leave," James said, leaning out of the upstairs window.

"Are you kidding me?" I yelled, "I live here."

"Not anymore!" He laughed.

"If you don't let me in, I will staple your testicles to your forehead, do you understand me?" I kicked the door once again in a futile attempt to enter the house. I swore I heard one of the hinges surrender, and so I considered delivering another roundhouse kick. But James's next words made me lower my leg.

"If you don't get off of my lawn, I'm going to call the police," he threatened, "Do you understand _me_?"

"Ugh," I screeched wilder than an Irish banshee, and thrashed against the wooden slab. "I hope the government selectively infects you will smallpox, James Matheson!"

"You are so immature, Bella, I have no idea what I saw in you," James opened the window to shout. He slammed it shut for what I thought was his finale, but then he reopened it to yell, "And for the last time, I told you the government doesn't _do _that!" _Then_ he shut it for good.

"James? James!"

_Note: Not every 'James' in the world is evil. It is only ones of the 'Matheson' variety. They are known to be highly obnoxious and hazardous to your health. Therefore, it is not advised that you avoid all 'James's; however, handle with caution._

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to selectively infect it with smallpox? You can't, but you can tell me what you think!  
~CH


	3. On Muffins

Still on board? You're brave.

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**Lesson #2: Never offer your muffins in exchange for public transport.**

A button, a paper clip, a stick of gum, and two skittles; that's all I had in my pocket to present to the bus driver.

I'd reached an all-time low.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't let you on. And please stop asking if I take credit cards."

_Tip: Hide change in random outfits of your wardrobe. That way, if you're ever in a situation like this one, you're prepared._

"Look at me," I told the man, even though he'd taken in my appearance more than once already, "I have nothing right now except for what's in my hand, and this very large suitcase. My phone is dead, and I have no change. I'm begging you."

"I can't," he shrugged, "Tough deal."

"Tough deal?" I nearly screamed, but managed to lower my voice. "Please, this has been the shittiest day of life. I just need one ride."

"Lady, get off the bus, I have to go," the driver waved me off.

"Do you want to see my breasts?" I asked embarrassingly loud. My eyes burned with tears as I made the degrading offer, "I'll flash you my boobs if you just let me ride."

_Note: Now, I did just offer the bus driver a peek at the pups, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and I was basically the poster child for desperation at that point. This scenario may seem disturbing to you, but keep in mind, I was doing it for your wellbeing._

"Well-," he considered.

"I'll pay for her ride," a blonde woman emerged from her seat, "You sick pervert."

The driver shrugged, completely unconcerned with his moral being. He accepted her money before shutting the door, barely waiting before my belongings were out of its path. I dropped the contents of my pockets into his lap, and glared at him as I made my way down the aisle of the bus. Amused onlookers snickered as I walked past. I made sure to stare pointedly as I sat down.

"Thank you so much," I was tempted to grovel at the woman's feet, but I'd already lost every ounce of dignity. "You really just saved my ass. If I can do anything to repay you-,"

"Don't even worry about it," she chuckled, "Can you believe that driver? He was actually going to let you flash your breasts."

I smacked my forehead against the support pole in front of me, "Can you believe me? I was actually going to _show _him my breasts."

"It's okay, honey," she sighed as she placed an arm around my shoulder, "We've all had those moments."

I leaned my head against the complete stranger's arm, and absorbed her comfort.

_Tip: When a random stranger offers you their shoulder, keep in mind that they won't always be as kind as this…especially, for instance, in a New York subway station. Come to think of it, never do this. Please. _

_I'm serious. _

_Never._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to flash your chest at it? Tell me! (Not about the flashing though...) I'd love to hear!

~CH


	4. On Big Busts

I'm still accepting pregnancy/children stories!

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**Lesson #3: Never give rides to big busted breast baring babes. **

"You're not going to kill me are you?"

Jessica, as I had learned her name was, stood in front of her Prius, and looked at me with a 'not amused' expression.

"Oh, yah, because I go around picking up helpless girls on metros to take home, and store in my freezer," she scoffed. "The only reason I was on that thing is because gas is way too fucking expensive to make the trip I did today. I hate public transport. Just get in."

"I don't know," I said, "I don't want to put you out of your way. You've already done so much –I can really walk."

"Ha, okay, I'll leave you to fend off bath salts guy around the corner," she nodded before getting into the car, "I'm sure your face is looking pretty tasty to him right now."

I peered around the corner to see that the guy _was _looking a little lustily at me. With a shudder I climbed into her car after placing my bag in the trunk.

"So, do you normally go around on night buses, offering the drivers a peek at your breasts," Jessica asked, "Or is this just a really bad night for you?"

"No, I actually try to catch the evening buses," I explained, "Much more attractive drivers."

"Oh, yah, definitely," she nodded, "Strip company?"

"It's called 'Mobile Pussies'," I deadpanned, "They're doing a new segment called 'Big Busted Breast Baring Babes on Buses."

Jessica let out a loud cackle, "Did you _just _think of that?"

I couldn't hold back my smile, "Yah, that's all I've accomplished so far with my English major; killer alliterations."

"You're in college?" She snorted, "You look like a kid."

"So I've heard," I rolled my eyes, "I should be going into my junior year."

"Should be?" she picked up on my choice of words.

"Yah, well," I sighed, "Yah."

"That was eloquent," Jessica rolled her eyes.

Twenty minutes later, I was jolted awake by the stab of Jessica's acrylic nail. I couldn't even remember dozing off, and felt bad for sleeping on her. But Jessica didn't seem like the type of girl to take those kinds of things personally, so I didn't think much on it.

"Alright, this is your stop," Jessica said, "Now get out of my car."

Not sure whether to give her a hug, or a handshake, I went for the best alternative –a salute.

_Tip: When in doubt, a casual salute can do wonders. If delivered properly, it can get you out of the worst of situations. _

_Caught making out in the locker rooms at school? Salute and walk away quickly. _

_See a coworker you'd rather not say hello to? Salute and walk away quickly. _

_Random stranger wants to cop a feel? Just walk away. Really, really, quickly. _

"Thanks," I told her as I plucked my belongings out of her trunk, "Really, for everything."

"No problem," Jessica smiled before pulling away.

I glanced up at the street sign, and plotted my walk from there. My destination wasn't too far from here, so I prayed that I wouldn't get mugged on the way. The only downside was that I hadn't been there in quite some time. I picked up my suitcase handle, and started walking down the street to my right.

Or was I supposed to go left?

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to take bath salts just to tolerate it? Tell me, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	5. On Help

**Lesson #4: You never know who is going to help you.**

A car screeched beside me, so close that I was sure someone was waiting inside to reach out and grab me. That would happen, given my luck tonight. After finally realizing that I had not, in fact, shit my pants in fright, I opened my eyes to see that it was Jessica once again.

"What-," I began.

"Look, just get in the car," she muttered.

"You are going to kill me," I said, eyes wide.

"Bella, fuck," Jessica rolled her eyes, "I'm trying to help you. You're like…a damn puppy you that find on the side of the road, and you can't help but take it home with you. And you tell yourself that you're not going to keep it, and it pisses all over your belongings, but you end up adopting the thing."

"So what you're saying is that you want to adopt me?"

"Do you want me to leave you?" Jessica threatened.

I smiled as I climbed back into her car, black suitcase and all. I didn't know what had possessed this girl to commit so many random acts of kindness in one night, but I wasn't about to question it further. I directed her through the neighborhood I hadn't been to in over a year, and only managed to get us lost once. Finally, we pulled in front of a two story home, set with a white gate and white shutters. It had definitely changed from the last time I'd seen it.

"Are you going to get out of the car or…?" Jessica hinted.

"Oh, yah, sorry," I said. "What are you doing driving at 3 am in the morning anyways?"

"I told you," she said, "I look around metros for helpless girls to take home and store in my freezer."

_Tip: When someone says this to you the first time –you laugh. When someone says this to you the second time…you should probably cry. They could be serious. _

My eyes widened.

"Jeez, Bella, calm the fuck down, I'm kidding," Jessica snorted. She reached into her purse, and searched for something before whipping it out.

"Don't shoot!" I shouted, raising my hands to protect my face.

_Tip: If you think you're about to be shot, shouting 'don't shoot' probably won't deter your assailant. _

_Raising your hands probably won't do a thing either. _

_Better Tip: Avoid getting shot. _

"It's my number, idiot," Jessica said as she stuffed a piece of paper into my hand, "I want to know that you end up okay."

"That's really nice of you," I said, "Thanks Jess. I mean it."

"Yah, yah," she waved me off, "Now really. Get out of my car."

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to run it over with your car? Tell me, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	6. On Casual Sex

If anyone is actually still reading this crap, I hope you're enjoying it! Will post more chapters later (: Thanks for reading!

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**Lesson #5: Don't entertain casual sex with your best friend**

The walk up the driveway concluded the longest 'walk of shame' of my life. I reached the front door and stood before it, unsure of how my life would change once I knocked. The last time I'd seen my best-friend was when I was telling him to 'get the fuck out of my business.' Now I was here to beg for his forgiveness and for his help. For the first time in the night, I began to sob.

I couldn't believe I'd offered to flash my breasts.

I didn't know how long I'd been standing at the door, but I figured I might as well rip the Band-Aid off. So, like a sniveling idiot, I wiped my nose, and pressed the doorbell. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Emmett's burly form traveling down the stairs.

He opened the door and rubbed his face, barely awake.

"Emmett," I sniffled.

His eyes widened in surprise, "Bella? Is that you?"

I nodded, "Can I come in?"

"What? Yah, sure," he hurried me inside the dark house, stuffing my suitcase by the front door, "What happened?"

I flopped down onto his couch, pressing my palms to my eyes in an effort to hide my tears. He sank into the end of the couch, and pulled my head onto his lap. His firm arms rested on me, keeping me safe and warm.

"Are you still angry with me?" I asked him.

"It's been over a year," he sighed as he rubbed my forearms, "I can't hold grudges for that long. I was just giving you the space you wanted."

"I'm sorry," I murmured.

"I know," Emmett said, "Me too."

He leaned down and placed his hot lips against mine, pulling my lower lip into his mouth. He sucked at it gently, lightly brushing his fingers over my forehead and dragging them down my cheek. Venturing past my neck, he settled on my chest, and tweaked a hardened peak. Under any other circumstances I would have let him continue –Emmett and I had always had the impeccable ability to make every situation sexual, and still keep our friendship intact.

_Tip: It is very rare to find two people who are actual friends with benefits. Normally, one party hosts feelings for the other. I wouldn't encourage this type of relationship. And I know you might be thinking –how hypocritical are you? Just do as I say, not as I do. _

"Emmett," I moved my head away, but his hand was still latched to my chest. "I can't."

"You're still dating that ass aren't you?" he guessed.

"No," I sighed, "Emmett, I'm pregnant."

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to make to do the 'walk of shame'? Tell me, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	7. On Delivering News

For those still trusting me and waiting to see where this goes -thank you (: Hopefully, it won't disappoint you.

For those wondering why I'm writing this cluster**** -Honestly? I just needed a break from the angst.

And for those traumatized by reading about Bella and Emmett, sorry for not giving you the heads up! I promise, this is a Bella and Edward story.

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**Lesson #6: Never deliver shocking news while in compromising positions**

"You're _what?!" _

"Ouch!" I squealed, slapping his hand away.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Emmett yelled.

"I didn't form an actual word because you just pinched my nipple off!" I shoved him.

"Well, excuse me for reacting to your shocking news!" he shouted.

"Your initial reaction to shocking news is to clench your fingers?" I cried as I rubbed my breast soothingly. After a few circuits, I took a peek inside to make sure that my nipple was still there.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, "Come here, I'll take a look."

I walloped him with a pillow, "Emmett!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He rubbed my breast apologetically –a little _too_ apologetically.

"Ouch, Emmett," I whined, "I need these."

"What the hell is going on?" a voice sounded from the stairs as the lights came on.

_Tip: When delivering shocking news, make sure the recipient of the news is not holding onto any of your goodies._

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_Like it? Love it? Would rather have your nipple pinched off rather than read it? That would be extreme, but still tell me about it!  
~CH_


	8. On Family

Thanks for reading & reviewing!

* * *

**Lesson #7: You never know who your family will be**

Apparently, Emmett lived with three other men.

Two of which were in the room.

Both of which I had slept with.

_Note: Not at the same time. _

_Note#2: Not within the time frame of these documentations, so they are not candidates for being your father. _

_Note #3: I didn't have anywhere else to live. _

_Tip: I don't actually know how you could avoid this situation. Perhaps, refer to Lesson #1? _

"Let me get this straight," Garrett clarified, "You're pregnant?"

"Hello to you too, Garrett," I muttered.

"What? I'm just asking," he threw his hands up.

"Hey, asshole, don't make her feel any worse," Riley defended, "It's good to see you again, Bella."

"You too, Riley," I wrapped my arms around his waist, and accepted his hug.

Emmett perched himself on the coffee table before me. "So, what are you going to do? James is the daddy?"

My cheeks flushed with anger at the sound of his name. I nodded, "He kicked me out."

"He did _what?_" Garrett growled. As his fist clenched, I winced, and rubbed my chest in remembrance of Emmett's reaction (which, from here on out, will be referred to as Nipplegate).

"Yah, the bastard kicked me out," I huffed, "He said I was whoring around, and that the kid isn't his."

"Well, you can stay here with us," Riley said, "She can stay, can't she guys?"

"I don't want to impose, but I have nowhere else to go," I admitted, "I have a job –I can help with the rent and everything. It's just until I can get myself back on my feet."

Emmett waved me off, "Don't even worry about it –you're family. We'll take care of you."

The three of them embraced me, emphasizing the fact that we were a family.

We were an odd, odd family.

"Emmett, get your hand off of my ass."

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Like it? Love it? Losing brain cells by reading it? Tell me, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	9. On First Impressions

**Lesson #8: First impressions are a bitch **

"I am _really _sorry," Edward apologized again as I continued to rotate my neck. I answered him with a glare, not particularly in the mood to converse with him.

I thought that was pretty understandable seeing as he _sat _on my_ face._

_Tip: Don't listen to what anybody says. First impressions are a bitch. _

Realizing that I was not going to acknowledge his existence any further (for possibly the rest of my life), he shifted away from me, and stiffly situated himself on the couch. As one show ended, he flipped to the sports channel.

Hell to the no.

"Edward," I said, "I've only known you for the past hour, one in which you sat on my face. Don't make me dislike you even more."

"Again, I'm really sorry for that," his face flushed red for possibly the fiftieth time this hour, "I honestly did not see your head! You were covered up by the blanket, and it was morning, and I didn't have my glasses on -,"

"Yah, as mortifying as the memory of your ass on my face is," I interrupted, "I don't feel like reliving it."

"I'm sorry," he gushed.

"Yah, well," I huffed, "Yah."

_Tip: This response (and saluting) has gotten me through most of life. Make use of it_

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to sit on it? I don't know what that would solve, but still, tell me about it!  
~CH


	10. On Chicken

**Lesson #9: If you don't choke the chicken, the chicken will choke you.**

We all sat at the table, quietly munching on the food that I had prepared. I wasn't much of a cook, but Emmett had assured me that he and the guys ate just about anything. I had decided that I needed to get more acquainted with the kitchen if I was going to be feeding a little mouth more than Chinese takeout.

"This is…um…great, Bella, really," Edward said.

"You've told her that fourteen times already," Riley grunted as he placed a piece of chicken in his mouth and chewed gingerly. I might have left it in the oven a tad too long. But if you closed your eyes and chewed, you could pretend it had been grilled.

At least, that's what I told myself.

"He's only sucking up to her because he sat on her face," Garrett laughed.

Edward immediately choked on his chicken. His face turned a bright shade of red. However, I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or lack of oxygen.

"Edward!" My eyes widened in horror, "How could you?!"

"If there's one thing you should know about Edward," Emmett said, "It's that he can't lie –ever."

"It all shows on his face," Riley added.

"And if you press hard enough," Garrett joined in, "He'll crack."

"Oh, really," I raised a brow at this new information.

"Hey Edward," Emmett grinned wickedly, "What do you think about Bella's cooking?"

A sharp kick caused me to release a yelp, "Who the fuckjust kicked me?"

"Fuck, Bella, I am sosorry," Edward rushed, "I was aiming for Emmett, I swear."

"Why would you need to kick-," I started, before realization dawned, "What _do _you think about my cooking?"

"It's, uh, really great," he said, "Like I said before."

"Why do you keep hesitating, Eddie?" Emmett smiled.

"I'm not hesitating," Edward pointed his words at the ceiling, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"You hate it!" I accused.

"N-no, I don't," he moved away from me slowly, pushing back his chair from the table.

"What do you think about it? What do you _really _think?" I pressed.

"It's fine," he said again, "Really."

"So it went from 'great' to 'fine," I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Just tell her," Riley rolled his eyes.

"Fine!" Edward finally burst, "Bella, I'm sorry, but your food tastes like shit. I didn't want to not eat it because, well, I sat on your face, but I can't do it. I can't eat it. It's just fucking _bad." _

_Note: Now, I might have started crying, but it wasn't from Edward's words. It was from the realization that my kid was going to have to live off of General Tso's._

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_Like it? Love it? Have no idea what the hell I'm saying most of the time? It's okay, I don't either._

_~CH_


	11. On Emmett

A/N: Here's another chapter! Thanks to those that are still on board (:

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**Lesson #10: Don't ask Emmett for help**

I stood in my underwear, and poked at my stomach as I looked at myself sideways in the bathroom mirror. Pregnancy was truly an enigma in its own. The way my body had changed over the past few weeks was both 'awe-inspiring' and terrifying. 'Awe-inspiring' because I was currently sprouting another being inside of me. 'Terrifying' because _fuck_, there was no way in hell I had this much mommy fat in only two months.

"Emmett," I shouted.

He stumbled into the bathroom clumsily, grabbing the sink to steady himself. One might attribute this disheveled state to my yelling for him in such a panicked manner, but truthfully, Emmett woke up like this every day. I would know –I was sharing a room with him.

_Note: None of the men in this house woke up gracefully._

I mean, neither did I, but you'd think that at least _one _of us would.

"What happened?" he grunted.

I glanced at the clock, and wondered if I was a bitch for waking him up, but I was soon unconcerned. It was 2:06 PM.

"Why were you still sleeping?" I asked.

"Bella…" he growled.

"Here," I grabbed his large hand, and placed it on my stomach.

"Oh, well, if you woke me up for _this,_" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Would you stop trying to extra-impregnate me and just feel," I rolled my eyes, "Don't I feel bigger to you?"

"No," he shrugged, "Feels the same."

My mouth popped open in horror –had I always looked like I had a baby bump?

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	12. On Riley

**Lesson #11: Don't ask Riley for help either**

Riley lay a hand lightly on my stomach, and then retracts it quickly. He does this approximately five more times before he finally speaks.

"But what if I squish the baby's head?" Riley asked, his eyes wide with panic. "I don't know about this…"

"The baby is barely over half an inch at this stage, I can assure you that you're not touching its head," I rolled my eyes, "And just for your information, Riley, babies don't grow in your stomach."

"But what if I squish the cells that become its head-," he continued.

"I'm asking you to feel my stomach, not to karate chop it," I huffed impatiently, "Now touch my fucking belly, and tell me what you feel."

The second Riley placed his hand on my stomach, it growled ferociously. For the next hour I had to convince him that I was not giving birth to a pack of wolves.

_Note: Although sometimes, you make me wonder if I am going to give birth to a pack of wolves._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to feed it to a pack of wolves? Let me know, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	13. On Garrett

A/N: Sorry to those that find the short chapters frustrating, but I can almost promise that this is the shortest it's ever going to be from here on out. Thanks for sticking around!

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**Lesson #12: Don't even bother with Garrett**

Garrett pressed my stomach in different areas, and tested out my flab. He waited a few seconds before moving to another area, and then massaged the spot again. Finally he pressed his ear to my stomach. I should have taken that as a clue. I mean it was weird, but I thought the guy was just doing a really thorough inspection. For the first time that morning I thought I was going to get an honest, educated answer. That was until he said,

"Nope, not feeling anything," he shrugged, "But don't worry, I'm pretty sure he'll kick before he comes out."

I slammed my forehead against the bathroom counter.

"What?" Garrett asked, "Isn't that what you wanted me to feel?"

"Get the fuck out of the bathroom, Garrett."

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of makes you want to slam your forehead against a bathroom counter? Tell me, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	14. On Second Impressions

A/N: Edward will start being more prominent from here on out! Thanks to those that are sticking around!  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.

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**Lesson #13: Second impressions can do wonders.**

"You're right, you have gained a significant amount of weight," Edward said as he pressed his fingers to my stomach, "But, uh, don't worry. You still look fine."

I recognized that tone.

"You're lying," I crowed, "You think I look fat, don't you?"

"Wait –what? No," Edward said, clearly flustered, "That's not what I meant at all. You look fine; more than fine! I mean, honestly, you're possibly the sexiest woman I've ever met. Wait, I didn't mean to say that … out loud at least –what I meant was-,"

_Note: Let it be known that Edward did continue rambling like an idiot to correct himself for approximately the next five minutes; however, my mind chose to tune out everything after he said 'the sexiest woman I've ever met.' Because really. Who would listen after that? _

"Oh, Edward," I threw my arms around him, not even waiting for him to finish speaking. "You know just what to say."

"Truthfully, Bella," he stuttered, "I have no idea what I just said."

"That's okay," I murmured, "You called me sexy. That's all that counts."

"Okay good," he sighed, "Because I'm pretty sure I also said you scare the fuck out of me."

I let out a hearty laugh as I looked up at him.

Big mistake.

Now, I could blame my actions on the pregnancy hormones, but I pretty sure I would have attacked Edward regardless. All I could say was that the moment I looked up into his large pools of green, I could help but suction my lips to his. Thankfully, he responded almost as enthusiastically as I did, and his hands quickly slipped down to my ample backside.

The extra weight had definitely traveled there too.

I, not so gently, pushed him atop the toilet and straddled his waist, throwing my entire being into the kiss. He ripped his shirt off in record timing, and I slid my body against his repeatedly. Just the warm rub of our skin was enough to have my body humming. We continued for a few moments before his hands traveled to my chest, and dipped beneath my bra. Being topless had its advantages.

In the back of my mind I registered that this was Edward, the man who had sat on my face, wounded my shin, and insulted my cooking all within the course of one day. And yet, as he worked his lips down my chest, that awkward, bumbling man was nowhere to be found. I was several different levels of turned on in that moment.

Soon enough I was being led to his room, and laid across his comforter. I wanted him so badly that I was easier to spread than melted butter on toast. That (although Edward will probably tell you that it was his sexual prowess) and I was extremely horny from the hormones.

It was then that I ended up sleeping with the fourth man in that house.

_Note: Sometimes it just takes a well-placed compliment, and an admittance of sheer terror to gain someone's acceptance…and to get into someone's pants._

* * *

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to let it spread you like melted butter? I don't even know how that would work. But tell me about it!  
~CH


	15. On Snuggling

Not getting that great of a response on this story, but I hope you're enjoying it, and regardless, I'm having fun writing it! Thanks to those who are still along for the ride + those who are reviewing! And also, a special thanks to the reader Tarbecca for recommending this fic on ADF (: Side note: for those awaiting the second part to Camp, I should be posting the first chapter in September. I'm trying to get most of it done before my schoolwork picks up. Sorry for the wait, but thank you for your interest!

* * *

**Lesson #14: Never be afraid to get your snuggle on.**

I held the pillow above Emmett's face, and contemplated whether taking his life was worth a night of sleep. Even though the sofa –combined with the pregnancy symptoms –was wreaking havoc on my back, I was quickly regretting my decision to share Emmett's bed. His snoring was enough to make me consider homicide.

"Bella? What are you doing?"

I nearly shrieked at the sound of Edward's voice. Night had shrouded the room in darkness so thick that I had to strain my eyes to see him. But even in this darkness, I could see the quizzical look on his face.

"Not killing Emmett," I sighed as I lowered the pillow back to the bed, "What are you doing in here?"

"Emmett took my alarm clock," he huffed. The sound of his feet drew nearer as he padded across the room. "I don't even know how you can sleep with his snoring."

"I can't," I admitted before begging, "Please, take me with you."

His warm chuckle sounded, and I took that as a 'yes'. I felt my way to the end of the bed, and then carefully shuffled across the carpet. Finally, I bumped into Edward's tall form. He wrapped a securing arm around my shoulder, and guided me to his bedroom. Silence greeted me as I crossed the threshold, and inwardly I released a cry of relief.

"Did you just say 'huzzah'?" Edward asked.

Okay, _outwardly_ I released a cry of relief.

"Thank you so much," I told Edward as I snuggled under his covers. "Now, come and snuggle with me."

"Snuggle?" he choked, caught off guard.

"Yes, Edward, 'snuggle'," I repeated, "A verb meaning 'to settle or move into a comfortable position. It's synonymous with nuzzling, cuddling, or nestling. I'd like you to perform that action with me. Can you do it?"

"I-I guess," he murmured as he crawled under the blankets. Awkwardly, he moved closer, only to stop within an inch of my body. Taking initiative, I rolled over and placed my head on his chest. Once he finally began breathing again, I threw a leg over his waist. I might or might not have purred.

"Goodnight, Edward," I sighed.

He released a deep breath, placed his arm around me, and then entwined his leg with mine, "Goodnight, Bella."

_Note: Edwards make the best snuggle buddies._

* * *

Like it? Love it? Feel like shouting 'huzzah' when you read it? Tell me, I'd love to hear about it!

~CH


	16. On Karma

**Lesson #15: Karma is a bitch.**

"Welcome to Hard Rockers Guitar Shop, do you need any assistance?" I asked with a smile painted on my face.

"I'm looking for a guitar," the woman said.

"Then coming to a guitar shop was a great choice," I murmured, "What kind of guitar did you have in mind?"

"I'm not quite sure," she pressed a finger to her mouth, and looked around the instrument decorated walls of the shop. In the meantime, both my stomach and mind were thoroughly bored with the encounter. The former growled ferociously.

"Sh," I directed the words to my stomach, "It's not time for food. _Soon my precious._"

_Note: Yes, I did make it a habit to speak to my stomach even before I was pregnant with you. And, yes, I often used the voice of Gollum. _

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" The woman addressed me.

"Nothing," I answered, "Why don't we narrow it down? Would you like an electric, acoustic, or acoustic-electric guitar?"

"I don't really care," she shrugged.

My eye twitched in annoyance, and I reminded myself that I needed this job to store up on cash. Furthermore, it was not legally permissible to throttle a customer.

_Note: It isn't really legally permissible to throttle anyone for that matter. _

_Note #2: Generally, your mom is not this violent, but gaining almost ten pounds in under three months has changed her personality considerably. _

"Do you have a price range in mind?" I asked.

"Um, nope," she shook her head.

"Is there anyone in particular you're buying it for?" I continued.

"Isn't that a pretty personal question?" She raised her brow in question.

No. It really isn't.

"Yah, well," I said, "Yah."

My stomach turned once again, warning me that it had an urgent message that needed tending to. I hushed it once more, receiving a glare from the indecisive woman.

_Well maybe if you picked a fucking guitar, I could eat. _

"How about I show you to our most popular line of guitars?" I ushered her to the rack and explained the model of the guitar. I gave her a brief demonstration, allowed her to handle it herself, and even offered her a discount. Hell, I'd even pay for it myself if it meant she'd leave the shop.

"I don't think I like it," she said, finally.

"What about it in particular?" I asked through gritted teeth. I could practically feel a more colorful retort dying to escape my mouth.

"I don't know, I just don't," she snapped, "Is this your first day here or something?"

"No ma'am I've actually been working here for over two years," I pursed my lips to refrain from cussing her out, "You're just not giving me much to work with."

"Or maybe you're just not doing your job well," she snipped. "Maybe you should go and get me someone else."

"Oh I'll give you something," I stepped towards her threateningly.

And I did give her something –all over her shoes.

Ladies and gentlemen, it was not my words threatening to burst out, it was simply my breakfast.

* * *

Like it? Love it? Kind of want to puke all over it? That would hurt my feelings (and your electronic device), so please don't. But tell me about it! I'd love to hear.

~CH


	17. On Bribery

**Lesson #16: Never consider yourself above bribery**

Look at those buns.

_Unf. _

I could stare at them all day, but I'd rather just sink my teeth into them.

Edward finally moved away from the oven, and placed the cinnamon buns on the table. A sliver of drool slipped from the side of my mouth, but I quickly righted it.

_Note: Drool does not an attractive person make. _

Things had been a little weird after Edward and I slept together. Not counting the fact that he had a panic attack shortly after, I decided that it wasn't wise for me to get into a relationship right now, considering I had a child on the way. Plus, I hardly knew the guy. You would think this rationalization would come before I let him butter my toast. Thankfully, within a day or so, we were back to relative normalcy.

"They're ready," Edward called to me, but he didn't need to speak. My hands were all over his buns in a second.

With my plate stacked with four cinnamon buns, I burrowed into the sofa. This couch had officially become my territory. I had even licked the armrest for good measure.

I'll admit, it was not one of my finest moments.

_Tip: One of the greatest ways to mark your territory is to lick it. Unless it's outside. _

_Tip #2: Avoid licking things outside. _

_Note: Unless you're eating outside, then I suppose it's okay. _

_Revised Tip #2: Avoid licking inedible items outside. _

"Bella," Edward spoke timidly, breaking me out of my Shakespearean train of thought, "Can I have one?"

I looked back to the pan where no buns remained, and suddenly felt conscious of the one stuffed in my mouth. I imagined I looked something akin to a rabid wolf.

Well, a cute rabid wolf.

But then I thought about it, and really, under normal circumstances I would have eaten two. And I did have a person inside of me, who would most likely grow to have my appetite, and would need two as well. To top it all off, this man had sat on my face. I thought I was inclined to a little gluttony. In fact, I deserved these cinnamon buns. So, I shook my head in response.

"What? Why?" he whined.

_Note: Whining does not an attractive Edward make _

Okay, who was I kidding –Edward was always attractive.

"Please," he pouted, "Pretty please?"

I shook my head.

"I'll do the dishes tonight," he offered.

He was still met with rejection.

"We can watch Mythbusters all you want," he continued.

My resolve faltered slightly.

"I'll braid your hair before we snuggle," Edward said.

Sold.

* * *

Like it? Love it? Does it make you want cinnamon buns? It made me want cinnamon buns... Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	18. On Jeans

**Lesson #17: Your jeans know what's best for you.**

While lying on the floor, I wrestled with the metal clasp of my jeans. My feet were planted against the edge of Edward's bed as I pulled and tugged. I imagined I looked similar to a floundering fish –or Emmett when he dances. Finally, the button clasped, and I was able to rest.

_Note: One of the greatest struggles relevant to both men and women is getting into jeans. _

"What exactly are you doing?" Riley startled me from his position in the doorway. In an attempt to preserve my dignity, I threw my arms around my bra clad chest.

"I was getting dressed," I huffed, before standing up. The second I did, the button shot off of my jeans, landing on the carpet a few feet away. "Shit."

"Aren't you only eight weeks pregnant?" he asked, "Isn't that a little too soon to be losing buttons?"

"I'm gaining weight faster than Renee Zellweger preparing for her role as Bridget Jones," I cried before dropping back onto the bed, "My kid obviously wants me to walk around naked."

He laughed, "I think this is just an indication that you need bigger clothing."

"Like," my eyes watered, "fat pants?"

"Bella, don't get emotional on me," he rolled his eyes as he came over and tugged me from my position, "Get dressed –we're going out."

"Where are we going?" I questioned as I pulled a large t-shirt over my head. There was no way on this Earth I could get any of my other pants on, so I needed to cover the damage.

Riley smiled largely, "Shopping."

~MPW~

"Do your panties really not fit?" Riley huffed as he stood by the undergarment aisle. "Maybe I should go and wait in another aisle."

"You know, if I were shopping in Victoria Secret right now you'd be much more enthusiastic," I grumbled.

"You say that as if it's a crime," Riley replied.

"You had no problem peeling off my Fruit of the Looms a few years ago," I muttered.

Riley's face paled as I said this, and I released a victorious cackle. I rarely spoke about my short lived relationships with Riley and Garrett, but when I did it was hilarious to see their reactions. Now that our relationships were strictly platonic, it _was_ slightly sickening to think that we'd slept together. The thought of Emmett and I being together hadn't bothered me before, but now that I'd gotten a taste of Edward I no longer felt indifferent. Rest assured, there would be no repeat performances with Emmett, Riley, or Garrett. Edward was another story entirely.

"Do you think I should get these?" I asked Riley, and showed him a pair of underwear about three times my size.

"I would say you'll probably never get to that size," he said, "But at the rate you're going…"

_Tip: Sometimes, underwear makes the best weapon._

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to fling your underwear at it? Tip: You should probably keep your underwear on. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	19. On Small Worlds

A/N: Here's another chapter! At the suggestion of one of my wonderful reviewers, **majose, **I've decided to post one chapter a day (: Originally, I hadn't because I wondered if readers would be annoyed by receiving so many short chapter updates, but this method also makes sure I don't procrastinate with uploading. Hopefully it will work out, given my history with delaying. That being said, I really am grateful for those who do review, regardless of how many do. Your responses make me smile, and fuel my ideas for writing this story. Seriously, the amount of you who liked "huzzah" had me chuckling.

As for those who are enjoying the tips, I'm so happy! The other day, someone was letting their child suck on the division belts in the airport. I cringed so severely, and wished that I could give them the tip about licking inedible things. I mean, I'm positive the child will be okay (nor am I questioning their parenting because kids do the weirdest things), but airports ... *shudder*

Alright, things are going to start picking up from here, so look out! And thanks for reading (:

* * *

**Lesson #18: It's a small, small, world. **

"Riley?" I called out. I was met with absolute silence.

_Tip: Don't rely on men to remember non-business or non-sports related appointments. Constantly remind them, regardless of how annoyed they get. _

"Garrett?" I tried, hoping that at least he would be here. I would have tried Emmett afterwards, but I knew for a fact that he had gone to work.

"Bella, is everything okay?" Edward asked from upstairs.

"Yah," I sighed, "Have you seen Riley or Garrett?"

"Both went out about an hour ago," he answered.

"No, no, no, no, no," I panicked, and peeked at my watch.

"Do you need a ride somewhere?" Edward offered, heading down the stairs with his keys already in hand.

"A ride…" I trailed before muttering quickly, "A father for my child …"

_Note: I didn't intentionally make Edward miss the last five steps. _

"Fuck, are you okay?" I scrambled over to him as quickly as I could.

_Note#2: I wish I could say that I didn't laugh, but I did. _

_Note#3: But only after I knew he was okay. _

_Note#4: Okay, maybe I laughed while I was asking him. _

"I'm fine," he ground out, his face a deep shade of red. "What were you saying?"

"The thing is," I stifled my laughter as I offered him my hand, "I have my first ultrasound, and I really don't want to go alone. People keep looking at me weirdly when they hear that I'm a single mom. Which is really a crock of shit given this modern day and age of fully capable women who-,"

"Bella," Edward interrupted, trying to get me back on track.

I sighed, "Riley had promised that he would take me, and pretend to be the baby daddy."

"So you want me to go and pretend to be the father of your child?" Edward clarified.

"If you don't mind?" I pleaded.

~MPW~

_Tip: When pretending that someone is your baby daddy, calling them a perverted asshole as the sonogram technician walks in isn't as convincing as you might think it is. _

"Bella, I promise I didn't mean to grab your ass," Edward whispered as the technician turned around.

"Oh, so you just tripped with your hand stretched out," I glared.

"Exactly!" He squawked.

"Alright, Ms. Swan," Ms. Pope smiled, "How far along are you?"

"Eleven weeks," I answered proudly.

The surprise on her face was obvious as she pointedly looked at my stomach, "Are you sure?" I tried not to feel offended.

"I'm positive," I said, "I even got it confirmed. I mean, I know I'm a bit big, but I've kind of been abusing the whole pregnancy excuse. You can ask Edward, I've been eating for about five people instead of two."

The technician chuckled, "Well, let's see what's happening inside then."

She squirted the cold jelly onto my bulging stomach, and smoothed it out in a circular motion. Edward held my hand tightly; his eyes were glued to the monitor, as were mine. I squinted, trying to find my baby's form in the grey static, but I couldn't identify anything. It didn't comfort me that the technician seemed to be straining as well. Her eyes were so wide that I was beginning to panic.

"Ms. Swan, did you conceive by natural means?" Ms. Pope questioned.

"Plain sex?" I asked, "Yah, I did. Did he put it in wrong?"

"Honey, I don't think you can fertilize incorrectly," Edward chuckled.

_Note: Well, if there ever was a human being to inseminate someone improperly, it would be James Matheson. _

"You weren't on any hormones, or receiving any additional aids for pregnancy?" she continued.

"No," I answered, "We knocked boots, and then before I knew it a peed on stick told me I was going to be a mother."

"In that case, will you please give me a moment?" Ms. Pope excused herself.

If it weren't for the bulge of my stomach I would have shot up from my reclined position. Thankfully, Edward was there to calm me as I strained to get up. My eyes filled and overflowed with tears as I realized that my baby's life could be in danger. Until that moment, I had never felt the weight of being a mother so acutely. It was as if I was experiencing a cosmic shift.

"Sh, Bella, I'm sure the baby is fine," Edward soothed, "It's probably just -,"

"Bella Swan?" A handsome middle-aged man stepped into the room, clad in the typical lab cloak and stethoscope. "My name is Dr. Carlisle- _Edward?" _

Edward's eyes widened in shock, "Dad?"

* * *

Like it? Love it? Felt a cosmic shift while reading it? I'm not even sure what one of those would feel like. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	20. On Life Changes

A/N: Sorry it's so late in the day, but here it is! I bet you thought I'd forgotten *wiggles eyebrows*. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter. I know I don't reply, but I read every one of them, and am very appreciative, especially when I see familiar names! Those who constantly review (you know who you are), I recognize you and love seeing your messages! Alright, here it is (:

* * *

**Lesson #19: Your life can change in a matter of seconds.**

The technician exited the room hastily, not wanting to be involved in the awkward situation. I desperately wanted to follow behind her, but I needed to know if my child would be okay.

_Tip: This is not one of those situations where a salute is applicable._

"Oh my God," Edward groaned.

"What are you doing here?" Dr. Carlisle rasped, holding his chest as if he were going into cardiac arrest, "I haven't heard from you in two weeks –is this what you've been doing?"

"Dad," Edward tried.

"I didn't even know you were seeing someone!" Dr. Carlisle continued, "What will your mother –shit, what will Esme say? We've always wanted to be grandparents but … quite frankly we didn't think it'd be like this. I mean, I didn't believe Esme when she said you weren't gay, but-,"

_Note: There were many more expletives in this monologue, but to paint Carlisle as a more respectable man, I've left them out. _

"Dad, seriously, for the fifth time, I'm not gay," Edward interjected, "And this is not what it looks like."

_Tip: The line "This is not what it looks like" clarifies nothing. In fact, it sounds more incriminating than anything. Save your breath, and skip right to the explanation. _

"Please explain before I pass out," the doctor sunk into his seat.

"Dr. Carlisle, Edward was just being a kind friend by accompanying me here. I needed some support for my first ultrasound," I answered quickly, so that Edward wouldn't kill himself by trying, and Dr. Carlisle wouldn't die from drawing more conclusions. "But Doctor, please, can you tell me if something's wrong with my baby? The technician looked so panicked."

"My sincerest apologies," Dr. Carlisle let out a deep breath, "This was just the last sight I was expecting to see. However, let me put your fears at rest."

He wiped off the technology and my stomach before squirting more of the gel on my stomach.

_Note: You'd think the second application would be less cold, but no. It was still fucking cold._

As he smoothed the gel about my skin, he leaned into the screen, scrutinizing it like the technician had before. After a few moments, he leaned back with a large smile on his face; it was a smile of…disbelief?

_Note: That is never a comforting expression to see on your doctor's face. _

"Dad, what is it?" Edward prompted, "What are you seeing?"

"Bella," Dr. Carlisle shook his head slowly as he peeled off his gloves, "Congratulations. You're pregnant with quadruplets."

* * *

Quick note: I know many of you might think -this is so unrealistic, how can she be pregnant with quadruplets without anything like hormone therapy and IVF?! Well, it is EXTREMELY rare, but it has happened before (of course). So stick with me!

~CH


	21. On Math

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Character aren't mine.

* * *

**Lesson #20: One plus one can sometimes equal four.**

"Count it again," I urged the doctor. He then proceeded to point out the four individual masses that were my babies … for the seventh time.

_One, _

_Two,_

_Three, _

_Four…_

I was pregnant with four children, all at once.

"You _fucking _asshole," I gripped Edward by the collar, and yanked him to my level, "You re-impregnated me!"

"What?" Edward choked, "I did what?!"

"I knew it!" I shouted, "I knew you should have worn a condom, but no! You said I couldn't possibly get even more pregnant and now –now you gave me three more babies!"

"Dad," Edward grunted.

"Bella," Dr. Carlisle calmly removed my hands from Edward's shirt, "Surely you know that isn't possible."

"There was only one in there before I slept with him," I accused.

_Note: I did, in fact, know that re-impregnation wasn't possible, but I wanted to believe that impossibility rather than attribute my current state to James's super sperm. _

"I don't understand," I cried, "One little condom tear and I end up with a fucking army inside of me."

Dr. Carlisle smiled sympathetically, "I know this is life changing news, but try and stay positive. Life is a beautiful thing, and the fact that you're giving way to four of them –naturally –is a miracle. I don't know if you grasp the rarity of this."

"Dr. Carlisle, you don't understand," I wept as the gravity of my situation made it feel almost impossible to breathe, "How can I possibly take care of them? Their own father won't even look at me."

"Bella," Edward picked up my hands, "You are not alone. You will never be alone."

_Tip: When someone says this to you? Hold onto them, and never let them go._

* * *

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of cringed at the idea of super sperm? Tell me, I'd love to hear about it!

~CH


	22. On Laughter

A/N: Thanks for all of the readers and reviewers! I'm so glad you're finding the story funny, and enjoying the characters. Lord knows I might not be so comedic if I were unexpectedly pregnant with quadruplets!

* * *

**Lesson #21: There's a fine line between tears and laughter**

Riley, Emmett, and Garrett all crowded my stomach, staring in awe as I sat on the couch. My stomach was a pudgy hump, not a full pregnant belly, but definitely not flat. Admittedly, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the rounded area either.

"Four?" Riley cautiously poked at my stomach, "You can fit four in there?"

"Space must be tight as fuck in there," Emmett breathed.

"What did you do, Bella, have sex on your head?" Garrett laughed.

"Guys, that's enough," Edward said, "Give her a break –stress isn't good for the babies."

_Babies…_

_One, two, three….four babies. _

My eyes welled again for the umpteenth time since I received the news. Sometimes I cried for happiness and others for pure fear.

_Note: I am never unhappy at the prospect of having the four of you; I am simply scared of the future. How can I care for you all? How can I possibly take care of four babies? _

"Bella," Emmett asked, "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, wanting to cry but instead bursting out into a fit of laughter.

"Nothing," I laughed, "I'm having quadruplets."

~MPW~

The blood rushed to my head as I held my ankles. I tried focusing on something, _anything, _to take my mind off of the burn in my thighs. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this active. Walking to and from the kitchen didn't count.

"Bella, would you stop it?" Garrett grunted from his position on his mat.

"It's helping me get through this," I defended.

"Yah, well," Garrett breathed, "Hearing you rap Salt-n-Pepa makes me highly uncomfortable, especially when I'm in this position."

"I can't help it if I'm an undiscovered rap genius trapped in the supple body of an exemplary English major," I complained, "I'm convinced the world isn't ready to handle me as yet."

"Bella, _I'm_ not ready to handle you as yet," Garrett muttered, "And I'm going to ignore the fact that you just referred to your own body as 'supple.' Yoga is supposed to be calming, and I can't keep calm with you rapping like that. Stop."

"But I'm reminding myself to push it," I told him, "_Push it real good." _

"Alright, I'm quitting," he said and got up.

"Garrett," I whined, "I'm pregnant with quadruplets."

"You roped me into doing yoga with that excuse," he rolled his eyes, "I'm not falling for it again."

"Oh come on," I pouted, "I only have six more months to milk it –maybe not even that long."

He sighed, "I'll only continue if you stop rapping that retched song."

"Fine," I agreed begrudgingly.

For the next thirty minutes we went through a series of poses. While Garrett was insanely fit, and easily breezed through the yoga routine, I was wheezing from exertion. I wanted to blame my unfitness on the pregnancy, but I knew that was far from the case. My stretching as of late had consisted of reaching for the remote. Needless to say, I was not in my element, and it didn't help that Garrett had taken my one form of amusement. As our workout drew to a conclusion, I dropped to the ground in pain.

"Shit," I whimpered.

"Bella? What happened?" Garrett rushed over to me.

"I have a cramp in my right thigh," I cried.

"Lay your leg out, I'll stretch it for you," he said hurriedly.

I placed my leg on his shoulder, and let him lean forward so that my leg could be brought closer to my body. I felt the stretch immediately.

"Does that feel better?" he asked.

"Yah," I let out a shaky breath, "Yah, just stretch it a bit more please."

"Like this?" he asked as he readjusted my leg.

"Exactly, just push it," I sighed before grinning wickedly, "_Push it real good." _

_Note: After that, Garrett didn't speak to me for the rest of the day, but with the way I laughed afterwards, I didn't mind. _

_It was completely worth it._

* * *

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Can you rap all the words to Salt-n-Pepa's Push it? Because I can't. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	23. On Edward

A:N/ To all those faithful readers/reviewers out there, thank you! And in the awesome words of a lovely reviewer **Kni Nut, **"

This fic ain't for everybody  
Only the sexy people  
So all you fly mothers, get on out there and read  
read, I said!"

*** After reading some reviews: I won't give anything away, but James will appear later in the story, so he hasn't been let off the hook!

Enjoy (:

* * *

**Lesson #22: Edward is a man of many talents. **

"Bella, having three more babies than you expected is not an excuse for you to eat all the cinnamon buns," Edward chided.

"If you know I'm going to take so many, why don't you make more," I asked.

"I do make more," Edward growled, "But you always eat them all."

I smiled as I took a bite of the gooey goodness, licking my lips in delight. I supposed I should be kinder to him seeing as Edward truly spoiled me. This was possibly the third consecutive weekend he'd baked the cinnamon buns for me.

And I wondered why I put on weight so quickly.

Actually, Daddy Cullen had said that was to be expected with so many babies inside me. It still was inconceivable to me. How could so many babies fit in one space? Then again, I _was_ accommodating them.

"No more junk food during the week…"

Edward was giving one of his lectures again. It was so hard to pay attention when he raved like that. It was maddeningly attractive and hilarious. Much like the other men of the household, Edward had stepped up to be the proper caretaker; he took care of cleaning (and supervision of cooking). Riley had taken to grocery shopping, Garrett took care of laundry, and Emmett dealt with the trash and dishes. While I wasn't practicing cooking, I lay beached on the sofa, reading 'first moms' books and 'the guide to a healthy pregnancy' pamphlets.

"You're not even listening to me," Edward huffed, "You're just writing in that journal. Are you writing what I'm saying now? _Bella." _

_Tip: when someone is trying to be helpful, throwing a pillow at them is not a great way of expressing gratitude._

~MPW~

I nuzzled closer to Edward, rubbing my feet along his hairy legs. A sausage pillow lay between my legs, making it possible for me to sleep comfortably with my lump –or maybe hump would be a more accurate description. He was doing a pretty shitty job of cuddling tonight, and it just wasn't acceptable.

_Tip: If you're going to cuddle, don't half ass it. _

Now I wasn't a complete pregzilla, I knew that he must be tired from the hours he put in at the lab. I always pictured Edward as the renowned surgeon type, but the truth was that he loved being behind an eyepiece. I'd find it horrifically boring if he wasn't so excited every time he talked about his job. Just today he was explaining the degradation of myelinated sheaths and the affect it has on the impairment of neurons and the speed of signals –the point is that I sat through it and listened to it. Cuddling was the appropriate form of payment.

"Bella," Edward groaned, "What are you doing?"

"Hold me," I demanded.

"It's hot," he complained.

Hell. No.

"Fine, I'll go to Riley's room," I huffed.

"What? No," he yawned.

"Is my stomach bothering you?" I pouted, "Is that why you won't snuggle with me?"

He chuckled, "Of course not, I'm honestly hot. Hold on."

And then, ladies and gentlemen, Edward Cullen took off his shirt. I swore there should be applause for every time he did this, or a mariachi band waiting in the sidelines to spontaneously begin playing. I couldn't understand how a lab technician could be this appealing. Did he curl crates of biohazard material in his free time? Or perhaps he was a master at pipetting? Whatever it was, it certainly worked for him.

_Note: I know it must be horrifying to hear this, but if you could appreciate it, you would too. _

"C'mere," Edward grumbled. His hot and firm arms wrapped around me, pulling me flush against him.

Well, as flush against him as someone with a pregnant belly could get.

"Mm, thank you," I smiled.

"Goodnight Bella," he sighed.

* * *

Like it? Love it? Kind of think it should have a mariachi band waiting in the sidelines to spontaneously begin playing for it? I feel like that could be very annoying. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	24. On Potatoes

A/N: Your reviews are the highlight of my day -you guys are so entertaining, I'm loving your responses! For those of you constantly review, I absolutely love seeing your reviews in my inbox! This chapter is pretty tame, but needed. Also, each journal entry is after a time lapse. I'll do my best to let you know what stage Bella is at in her pregnancy. Right now she's at about 13-14 weeks. Alright, here we go! Enjoy!

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**Lesson #24: Don't underestimate potatoes. **

You looked like potatoes, but I supposed 'a litter' was the more appropriate term for the lot of you.

_One potato, two potato, _

_Three potato, four, _

_You look like the size of spuds, _

_So how is my stomach so much more…_

Sniffling interrupted my profound poetry,

"Edward…are you crying?" I gawked.

"You started it," Edward grumbled before hastily wiping away at his cheeks.

"They're in _my_ stomach. I think I'm supposed to," I laughed.

"Anatomically speaking, they're in your womb, Bella," Daddy Cullen corrected, "And they are a beautiful sight. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and get you a copy of them."

"You know, I don't think I can take care of a fifth baby," I smiled playfully as I opened my arms for Edward. He scooted his chair closer, and threaded his fingers through my hair. It was the most comforting feeling I could ever experience.

_Tip: Scalp rubs can do wonders._

Edward's arms provided a sense of comfort I had yet to come across in my life. Somehow, every harebrained activity and frayed thought slowed to a calming lull when he embraced me. I knew I had a 'large' personality –as my mother often liked to label it –that could be a lot to handle at times, and it had only gotten more effervescent with my pregnancy. While all the guys took it in stride, Edward tolerated my madness without wavering. There was no one else I'd rather share this moment with.

"They are beautiful aren't they," I sighed.

Edward smiled at me, "They're going to take after their mom."

"Edward," my eyes watered for the umpteenth time, "I love them so much already and I haven't even met them."

And by the expression on Edward's face as he looked at you, I knew he loved you all too.

~MPW~

"Okay," I clapped my hands gleefully, "Follow the sound of my voice."

"Why on earth would we agree to follow a pregnant woman while blindfolded?" Garrett grumbled.

"What does my being pregnant have to do with anything?" I whined as I tugged Edward forward.

"Honey," he whispered, "You're moving at the pace of a snail."

"Oh," I giggled. Edward using terms of endearment with me always had my stomach fluttering. That being said, keeping the relationship strictly platonic between us was becoming increasingly difficult. We hadn't had sex since the first time, and my girly bits were going through a serious mourning period. How could I resist him when he was so awkwardly perfect?

_Note: Awkwardly perfect does exist. _

"Okay, we're almost there, I swear. Just two more steps."

"Bella," Emmett growled as he tripped.

"Okay, take them off!" I ordered.

The four of them anxiously ripped the blindfolds from their eyes and took in the family room before them. While they had been hibernating, I had cleaned and transformed the room into a man-cave. Chicken wings, pizza, chips, candy, and beer were propped on the table, framing the prize in the center.

"No fucking way," Emmett sounded near to tears.

"Bella, we can't accept that," Riley shook his head.

Garrett agreed, "This is too much."

"I knew you guys were going to say that," I murmured, rubbing a hand over my stomach, "But the truth is, I've been saving since the beginning of high school for my college tuition, and with the added money from my current job … I can afford this splurge for now. I mean, what I'm trying to say is that I won't be able to do this for you guys once the Quads are here and I'm buying the baby diapers, formula and clothing. You've been going above and beyond taking care of me –you won't even let me help with the housing bills! So, while I can still treat you to this, please let me."

"We knew what we'd be taking on by having you here, Bella," Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind, and placed his hands on top of mine.

"And we know you'd do the same for us if you could," Riley chimed in, "You're family."

My eyes filled with tears, "Exactly. So accept this gift and let me whoop your ass at Call of Duty."

"Hell yeah!" Emmett cheered before swooping me into his arms. After remembering that I was four persons heavier, he set me down on the couch. "Let's get this family day on a roll!"

_Note: I beat all of them that day, four times. One for each of you._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	25. On Clowns

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone staying along for the ride, and to those who just joined! I hope you enjoy the story. Shout out to my regulars!

Quick answer to questions: So some people have asked me about Bella receiving aid from either James/public, and since it's not a big deal for me to answer in terms of the plot, I can tell you that she will. I promise it will be covered in the story!

Enjoy (:

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**Lesson #25: Leave balancing to clowns.**

"What if it deforms one of their heads?" I asked, quite worried about the activity the guys had roped me into. Lately, the past week had been filled with "let's mess with the pregnant woman" activities. The guys claimed they'd never had the chance to know a pregnant woman so personally, and they wanted to take advantage of the fact. I'd made sure to cuss them out thoroughly; I refused to be likened to a main attraction at a zoo. Nevertheless, I kind of did want to see what my pregnant belly could do, so long as it was safe for all of you.

_Note: Your uncles are horrible influences. _

"Bella, it's a cup, not an anvil," Garrett rolled his eyes.

"Plus, I've seen people do this all the time," Riley said.

Emmett squinted his eyes in suspicion, "Where exactly?"

"Shh, everyone shut up," Garrett ordered.

Then, with great precision, he placed the plate on my stomach. The glass cup followed soon after, and then came another plate. They were speculating in awe when Edward entered the house.

_Note: Up to this point, I'd never seen Edward so angry. _

At the sound of his ranting I jumped in surprise. The plates crashed to the ground in a clatter. Glass and porcelain went everywhere. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that the kitchen would choose that moment to swallow me.

Or I could make a run for it.

"Bella, don't you fucking move," Edward ordered as he stomped over to me. "Are you trying to hurt yourself? You're not even wearing shoes! This is possibly the most stupid thing I've ever seen you do. I mean, this is more stupid than the time you tried to fit a whole cinnamon bun-,"

_Note: Edward is quite attractive when he's angry. _

_More than attractive…_

I pulled his mouth to mine, not caring that he was mid-sentence. His shock was priceless, but I couldn't pay attention to it in that moment. All I wanted to do was figure out how to get re-impregnated again.

Just kidding –four was really enough.

_Tip: The best way to shut someone up is to kiss them. _

_Tip #2: Only use tip number one with a potential suitor or dating partner. _

We didn't even notice the rest of the guys leaving.

His tongue searched my mouth, filling me with the delicious essence that is Edward. His kisses were frenzied and rough, a result of his previous anger. The more I thought of his ranting, the more aroused I became. I forced my chest into his hands, and cried out as he manipulated my sensitive skin.

Having a steamy make-out session was a lot more difficult now compared to our first encounter. With my massive stomach between us, I couldn't seem to get close enough. Edward leaned me back so that my elbows were resting on the kitchen counter. I wrapped my legs around his waist and anchored his hips to mine. My keening sounds were almost embarrassing, but I couldn't care less. His hands moved from my chest and trailed down to my stomach. He placed one hand on each side, and massaged the skin beneath his fingertips. His moan was unexpected.

"Does my stomach turn you on?" my mouth dropped open.

His cheeks heated quickly, "What? N-no!" But his gaze still lingered on the protruding hump.

I giggled, my stomach jumping under his hands, "You get off on me being pregnant!"

Edward groaned, "Don't make me sound like a pervert, I can't help it! Your skin is glowing, your breasts and ass are full, and you're giving way to four lives –you don't know how incredibly sexy I find that."

It was my turn for me to blush, "You really think so?"

"Yah, Bella," he sighed as his fingers slipped lower. He finally reached where I wanted him to, "You don't know how hard it's been for me to stay away from you."

"Then don't," I panted, "Don't stay away anymore. I want us to be together."

"For real?" he asked for assurance.

I nodded, "For real."

And that, kids, was the beginning of my falling in love with Edward.

* * *

Like it? Love it? Hate it? I'll have you know that writing anything remotely lemony while single is slight torture, so know that I must seriously like you guys to even put that in there. Let me know what you think!

~CH


	26. Delete this Entry

A/N: Sorry for the late post! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are seriously awesome, and some of your reviews seriously crack me up! Just a heads up, I won't be posting tomorrow (I probably won't on Sundays since they're a lot busier for me), but I'll resume on Monday. Enjoy!

* * *

**Lesson #26: Do not read this entry. Ever. **

This was ridiculous. There was no way I could be so big in such a short amount of time. I couldn't even fit into my bra.

"I honestly don't see the problem," Edward said as he bit into his burger. "We should have topless dinners more often."

I knocked the burger out of his hand.

"Hey," he whined.

"This is serious." I took a deep breath and my stomach heaved up and down in sync. "What am I going to do?"

Edward stroked the underside of my breast with his thumb, "Just relax."

"You're getting meat juice on my chest," I squealed, "And you couldn't possibly be thinking about sex twenty minutes after the fact. Don't you feel dirty knowing there are children watching?"

"Bella, they're nearly sixteen weeks old," he rolled his eyes, "They're not watching anything."

I surely hoped you weren't aware of what was happening. With the amount of times Edward and I had sex over the past week and a half, I would be mortified if I found out you babies were in any way cognizant of our activities. I just couldn't seem to get a hold of my hormones, and truthfully, Edward was even worse. Edward and I had spent the last three and a half months talking and cuddling; emotionally we were more in tune with each other than I could even comprehend. Physically, we had a lot of catching up to do.

"What if they feel the…movement," I shuddered while gasping, "We're defiling our children!"

Edward choked on his food before a wild smile took over, "_Our _children?"

"My children," I corrected, "_My _children."

"No, no, you said it already," he grinned wickedly, "And you can't take it back."

"I have the same policy with my children as I do with my cinnamon buns," I told him, "I don't share."

But my argument was slowly dying as he moved our plates aside and crawled towards me. I would never understand how a lab technician could exude so much sexiness.

"Even if I let you use the blue coffee mug?" he asked.

"No," I answered.

"What about," he rubbed his lips along my jaw, "If I make the bed every morning?"

"No," I shook my head, "Especially because already you do that."

"Hmm," he hummed as his hand completed a circuit up and down my torso, "What if I make you a bubble bath once a week?"

I became distracted by his touch, "Maybe you can _hold _one."

Edward's fingers drew circles around my belly button, teasingly stopping before heading towards my center.

"I will paint your toes whenever you want me to," he continued. His hand snaked into my pajama bottoms and wove through my curls.

"Yes," I panted.

"Yes what?" he stopped all movements.

"Edward," I gritted, "If you don't stop teasing me-,"

"Admit it," Edward raised a brow, "You want me to be your babies' daddy."

I scooted into his hand, "Rub." I commanded.

"Not until you say it," he refused.

"No," I kicked my feet petulantly, desperately wanting his fingers to stop skirting around my entrance.

"I will not touch you until you say it," he growled.

Ah. Everyone has a price.

"Yes, Edward," I moaned, "I want you to be my babies' daddy."

His smile was almost as brilliant as the feeling of his fingers finally diving into me.

_Note: Rip this page out!_

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know, I'd love to hear anything you have to share! Don't be afraid to PM me either!  
~CH


	27. On Ideas

A/N: Hope everyone had a great Sunday! I love hearing from you guys, and appreciate all of your thoughts and messages. Honestly, you guys are wonderful. I absolutely adore the reviewers of this story, each and every one of you; those who are new, and those who have come over from other stories of mine.

Just a note on the story: as pointed out by one of my awesome reviewers, Edward immediately takes on the role of father kind of unrealistically. For the sake of this story being as quick paced and light-hearted as possibly, he'll pretty much stay that way. Call it laziness, but I don't want to get into that can of worms. Admittedly, that was a concern of mine while writing this, so I completely understand yall bringing it up.

Okay, so that the A/N isn't longer than the actual chapter - here you go :)

* * *

**Lesson #27: You never know who the greatest ideas will come from.**

_Binna, Bora, Benner, Becca, Boston, Benjamin, Ben Michael, Billy, Brandon..._

"Nope, not doing it," I sighed, and shut the book. "Why can't we try someone else's idea?"

"Because Emmett suggested you use Harry Potter names," Riley started, "Garrett suggested you look around and use the first object you see, and Edward is dead set on all of them being called Edward. Do you want that? Do you want a little girl named Edward?"

_Note: Yes, I knew he wanted to call you all Edward, and it did unsettle me. This is proof that Edward has always been weird. _

"I just want something that incorporates you guys," I shrugged, "You've helped me so much…I want their names to relate the four of you."

The two of us sat back on the couch and contemplated possible names. I knew I didn't have to think of everything in that moment seeing as I was only eighteen weeks along, but I felt as if I had been slacking off in my mother duties long enough. I needed to get _something_ accomplished. Although, undeniably, carrying four children at once was an accomplishment in itself.

"I got it!" Riley shouted.

_Tip: When around people like Riley, who constantly make loud affirmations, wear a diaper in case you scare the shit out of yourself. _

After I finally regained my breath, I responded, "What is it?"

"Take the first letter of each of our names and name your children using those," he smiled.

"That's-," I started to criticize, but then realized its appropriateness, "That's perfect."

~MPW~

I sifted through my mail, utterly confused by the amount I had received. After coming home from work, all I had wanted to do was soak my ankles and read through some of my 'expecting mothers' catalogs. Now it seemed as if I would be doing some sorting. I hoped to God they weren't all bills.

_Note: You might think things like the boogie man, Freddy Kruger, or child-sized spiders are scary, but nothing is more frightening than receiving bills. _

However … I couldn't remember buying things from these companies recently. But as I pried open the first envelope and the coupons fell out, I knew exactly what had happened. _Evenflo, Gerber, Johnson & Johnson, Huggies, Enfamil, Tylenol, _and_ Proctor & Gamble …_ My voice was hoarse as I called out from my spot on the couch. Edward came sprinting down the stairs.

"What? What happened?" he rushed.

I tried to control my tears as I lifted the coupons in my hand, "You and Carlisle are the only ones I gave access to the Quads' medical records."

"Oh," his face flushed, "I didn't mean to overstep-,"

"No," I shook my head, and reached for his hand, "Edward I'm so grateful. But how … normally these companies require you to send the birth certificates before they give you all these discounts."

"Dad and I pulled some strings," he shrugged, "It also helps when you have a doctor vouch for you."

I pulled him into an embrace, squeezing him as tightly as my body would allow. What had I done in my past life to deserve a man who so passionately took care of me and my children? Part of me couldn't believe how easily Edward was accepting responsibility for me. The other part, which desperately enjoyed it, didn't want to question his true feelings. Regardless, I was thankful he'd initiated reaching out to these companies so I could receive discounts on baby supplies. It furthered my resolve to step up my "mommy-ing" game. I was going to give you everything I could through any means possible. I would accept Edward's help for however long he was willing to give it.

"Carlisle has already started buying toys," Edward chuckled.

"You two are the worst," I laughed, "Already playing 'Daddy' and 'Grandfather'-_shit." _

"What?" he leaned back to look at me. His eyes suddenly widened, "Wait. Bella, please tell me you've told your parents about the Quads."

_Note: Fuck._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Part of me feels like when I actually have a child, I'll never be able to settle on a name for them. Side note: Sorry for those who are shy-eyed about the language use. I don't actually swear this much in real life, but I think it's consistent with Bella's character. Let me know what you think!  
~CH


	28. On Canoodling

A/N: You guys are amazing -you give me such motivation to make this story the best I can make it. You really make the writing/posting experience so much fun! And my regulars, you absolutely slay me with some of your comments. While you guys are laughing at this story, I'm laughing at your reviews! Enjoy this next chapter (:

* * *

**Lesson #28: Do not canoodle.**

I stared at the phone in my hands, and then set it back down on the hook. I picked up again, and then set it down once more. The ninth time, Emmett's hand stopped me.

"I bet it won't be that bad," he comforted.

_Note: When someone says this, it means that the shit is about to hit the fan. _

"I've talked to my mother every week, and haven't mentioned a thing about the babies," I glared at him, "She doesn't even know I'm pregnant."

Emmett's facial expression transformed into one of disbelief. I supposed sharing the news with my parents so late into my pregnancy would be fine if I weren't particularly close to them, but my parents and I had a sturdy relationship. In fact, if I had gone to them in the beginning, I was sure they would have taken me in. The thing was that I had already lived eighteen years with my parents, and that sentence was enough for one lifetime. You might think I was being harsh, but you honestly didn't know how weird your grandparents were. Holding off from telling them for as long as possible would be ideal, but I knew I couldn't keep this secret.

"Renee is going to flip," he finally said.

"I know," I groan.

"What were you thinking?" he continued.

"I know," I brought a pillow up to my face.

"Just call," Emmett sighed, "Get it over with."

Hoping that I wouldn't chicken out if I did it quickly enough, I grabbed the phone and pressed the speed dial. After two short rings, my father's voice sounded through the phone,

"Charlie Swan," he answered.

"Uh, hey, Dad," I greeted awkwardly.

"Oh, I can tell this is going to be good," he chuckled, "I'm getting your mother."

I cursed as he put the phone on hold, and listened to the Tibetan monk chanting they had programmed to play in the background.

_Note: What did I tell you? _

_Tip: Question everything your grandparents tell you. _

I stood up and started pacing, which actually took a lot more effort than I thought it would. Five months in and I looked like I had swallowed a watermelon. Waddling was probably a more accurate term for what I was doing rather than pacing. After three circuits around the room, I was panting and desperately needing to pee.

_Note: Sadly, these three circuits probably would have resulted in the same way regardless of my being pregnant. _

"Bella, this is a pleasant surprise!" Mom cheered, "How are you doing, honey?"

My mouth dried immediately.

"Bella," she called, "Are you there? Are you okay?"

"Yes," I squeaked.

"Why do you sound like that?" Mom said before gasping, "Are you…are you having sex while you talk to us? Because, honey, as thrilling as that is for you and your partner, it's horribly rude for us-,"

"I'm not having sex," I shouted into the phone, and then rushed to explain myself, "I mean, I already had sex."

Mom paused, "That's great honey."

"No, no," I groaned as the tears came and I transformed into an emotional mess.

"Are you _crying_?" Mom asked. "Honey, it's okay if the sex is bad, it gets better. I mean if you only knew how your father and I -,"

"No, Mom, you don't understand," I cried, "_I had sex." _

"What are you talking about Bella-," she started.

"I had sex with James Matheson, with a condom," I sobbed, "And there was a tear in that condom. And his super sperm came in and canoodled with my eggs and now….and now…"

"Isabella Marie Swan, are you telling me that you're pregnant?" Mom squawked into the phone before shouting, "_Charlie!" _

"Yes, Mom, I'm five months pregnant," I sniffled, before whispering, "With quadruplets."

I was hoping she hadn't heard. But I knew she had by the sound of the phone clattering to the ground.

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Like it? Love it? Kind of want to canoodle with it? I don't know why I like that word ... Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	29. On Men

A/N: *crawls from behind shield* I am so sorry for posting this late! I didn't realize I'd be out of the house for most of the day. Thank you so much for your reviews and comments. I absolutely adore all of you! Just a small shout out to an anonymous PMer who gave me the inspiration for this chapter -thank you so much for your help! And as an apology for posting so late, I'll post another chapter along with this one. Enjoy!

* * *

**Lesson #29: Men are squeamish. **

I was twenty-two weeks along and fucking massive. Only Edward and I occupied the couch because I couldn't tolerate being sandwiched by heated body. This pregnancy was like a hormonal rollercoaster; one moment I was bundling in several sweatshirts, and the next I was lounging in nothing but a sports bra and yoga pants. Tonight called for the latter.

It was one of the rare moments when all of the men were off work, so we took advantage of the free time. Garrett insisted on watching a horror movie, and eventually, we all agreed. However, I missed most of the mediocre plot. I was more concerned with my full belly than the screen.

_Note: Pregnant bellies are really fascinating. You never think your body can accommodate so many humans, but it can! I was so large that I couldn't even see past the mountain I called my stomach. _

Not only was the outside fascinating, the inside of my stomach had been leaving me in awe over the past few weeks. What I thought had been gas was really the movement of you babies, and well … gas too. But soon I learned to distinguish between the two feelings, and Edward was spared the false alarms. I became obsessed with feeling one, two, or even three of you squirm. It was absolutely amazing. That being said, nothing prepared me for what happened tonight when Emmett started screaming.

And okay, the movie was frightening, but the current scene wasn't remotely scary enough to warrant that type of reaction. Nevertheless, you babies responded to the sound, and wildly kicked around.

_Note: It was like a WWE match in there. _

"Emmett, I really don't think a dog peeing on a fire hydrant deserves that kind of reaction," Riley started.

"No, no," Emmett gasped.

_Note: I kid you not, he even brought his hand to his chest. _

"Bella," Emmett continued, "There's something wrong with your stomach."

Worried, I looked down to the hill I had been studying before. My frown of worry quickly turned into a smile of excitement. On two different spots of my stomach there were visible bulges where the babies had positioned their limbs. One of the bulges moved.

"Oh shit, oh shit," Emmett looked to be seconds away from either fainting or being sick, "That isn't supposed to happen, is it? I shouldn't be able to see that!"

"Bella, does it hurt?" Riley's mouth was agape.

"Should I get some ice?" Garrett sounded close to tears.

"No! No! I'll call my father," Edward pushed my feet off of his lap as he reached for his phone.

My laugh stopped all of their movements, "Guys, calm down. The Quads are just moving. All I have to do is massage them back in. Does anyone want to feel them kick?"

"No!" They chorused.

I gently rubbed the spots where the limbs of the babies were protruding, and they moved slightly. No words could express my excitement in that moment. However, my reaction was comical compared to the troubled faces of the men around me. They truly believed something was wrong, and couldn't see how such a sensation could be pleasant.

"I still think Edward should call his dad," Riley said, "That's not what I thought kicking would look like."

"I'm fine, I promise. This is perfectly normal," I told them, "Come on guys, come feel my babies move."

Slowly, the four of them gathered around. Cautiously, Edward put out a hand to touch one of the nobs. The baby shifted under his touch, causing his eyes to widen in awe. Riley and Garrett followed afterwards, tentatively reaching out two fingers to touch my skin. Smiles immediately spread across their faces as they felt the movement.

_Tip: Don't assume guys to be macho, unfeeling, hard heads. They can be at times, but many have a sensitive side just waiting to be accessed. _

Lastly, Emmett reached out a hand to place over a large bump. I knew this to be one of the babies' heads, and my heart warmed as Emmett gently rubbed the spot, his face betraying the extent of his emotions.

_Note: Your uncle will deny it, but that night, he cried._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Screamed at it? Screaming at your computer is a little weird, but I do that when I really get into a story/show. Seriously. I verbally abuse my screen. Anyways, tell me about it! I'd love to hear (:  
~CH


	30. On Grandpa

A/N: Mini note -sorry for any mistakes. Even though I re-edit these chapters countless times, I still miss things. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

* * *

**Lesson #30: Do not encourage your Grandfather.**

"Edward, how did you even get the arm into the diaper?" Mom asked. "Aren't you a doctor?"

"With all due respect ma'am, I'm a trained lab technician," Edward growled. This was possibly the fourth time she had mistaken his profession, so I couldn't blame him for getting frustrated. All in all, Edward had been a saint dealing with my parents. He even forgave my dad immediately after Dad punched him in the face.

_Note: Dad has a 'punch first, ask later' policy, which makes me question how he is still on the police force. So, assuming that Edward was James, Dad knocked Edward out with one strike. _

"If the children ever need a swab, he'll be the one to do it," I said proudly as I wiped the ass of the mannequin child. "Dad, what are you doing?"

"I'm burping the child," he answered.

"Sweetie, head facing up," Mom gently corrected.

_Note: I'm slightly worried that this could be the first time she's ever corrected him. _

"Have you spoken to this James Matheson person?" Dad asked Edward.

"Dad," I warned.

"What?" he grumbled, "Edward's stepping in and taking care of some other asshole's responsibility. I want to know what the father's going to do about this."

"Though I'm going to drag every penny of child support out of James that I can," I said, "He is _not _their father."

And that was the truth. Over the past few days that Dad had been here, we'd been going through the proper documents needed to file for a paternity test, and follow through with a petition for child support (because there were no doubts on my part that James Matheson was your sperm donor).

"All I'm saying is that the man deserves a little karma," Dad shrugged, "In the form of my shotgun."

I slammed the mannequin down on the table, "I told this to the boys, and I'll tell it to you; there will be no visiting, mentioning, or even _thinking_ of James Matheson. Are we clear?"

_Note: Pregnancy hormones can make any woman fiercer than Solange Knowles attacking Jay-Z in an elevator. _

"Crystal," Dad answered.

But because your Grandpa was a determined, stubborn, and mischievous fuck, of course he didn't listen. Two days later, he and Edward returned to the house smiling all too joyously. When I questioned their whereabouts, they both simply shrugged in response. Edward wasn't allowed any canoodling until he confessed. In response to that punishment, he claimed that he'd gone twenty years of his life without knowing the warmth of female genitalia and could go twenty more (a vast exaggeration in my opinion). I told him he wouldn't last two weeks, and low and behold, four days later he cracked. Apparently they'd done the works on James; they did everything ranging from trashing the inside of his house to gluing a field of dildos to the top and hood of his car.

_Note: Yes, that image did disturb me. _

_Note #2: No, I don't know how they got so many dildos, or what they glued it with._

_Note #3: Yes, I do still shudder at the thought. _

Though I found it sweet that Edward and Dad would avenge my honor, I still was peeved at them for going against my wishes. Dad was given the cold shoulder, and Edward's behavior earned him another four days of celibacy. By the end of the week he was more of a mad pregnant woman than I was.

_Tip: Don't ever include your dad or grandpa in revenge schemes –they are both questionably unstable and weird._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of feel like you'll have trauma after picturing a field of dildos? I will. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	31. On Assets

A/N: Sorry for the late postings. This chapter is pretty uneventful, but I hope you enjoy it! Also, it's kind of hilarious how many of you were on board for the field of dildos. I still can't picture it.

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**Lesson #31: Know when to acknowledge assets.**

I stood at the door, eyes wide with surprise. I couldn't believe who was standing in front of me.

"Jessica?" I gawked.

"_Fuck_," she breathed, eyes glued to my stomach, "What have you been _doing_?"

I pulled her into a hug, grateful to see the woman who had rescued me just under six months ago. After I ushered her in quickly –well, as quickly as someone my size could travel –I began to fill her in on everything that had happened. As I talked to her, I realized just how much I had missed having another woman to talk to. For once I didn't have to slap someone for snickering at the use of the word 'vagina,' or get upset because they simply couldn't empathize. I made a vow to keep in touch with Jessica after this visit. Not only was she a great listener, her commentary had me in a fit of giggles.

"A field of dildos," Jessica cackled wildly, "How do you think they got so many?"

"That's the part you focus on?" I rolled my eyes in disbelief, "You didn't even comment on the fact that I'm an incubator for four humans!"

"The field just seems so majestic," she laughed again, "I'm sorry, but I'm in shock. I can't even fathom how you must be feeling. This must be so hard to handle."

"It is sometimes," I said truthfully, "But thankfully I'm not alone. The guys have been great to me."

"Well, it seems so," she agreed, "Edward has been _especially _great to you."

I grinned with her cheekily before asking, "So what made you come back here?"

Jessica shrugged, "I had to see if you turned out okay."

I picked up her hand and squeezed it, "That was really sweet of you –thank you. You don't know how much you helped me that night. I'm still thinking of a way to repay you-"

"Bella, I've told you that you can't use my boxers anymore," Riley growled as he traveled downstairs, "You're stretching out the waist –oh, I'm sorry."

Jessica's eyes widened at the sight of a half-naked Riley. I could not blame her; all the men in this house were devastatingly attractive.

_Note: Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't appreciate someone's assets; so long as you don't cross the line of appropriateness. _

_Note 2: But if you ever see Edward appreciating someone's assets, you need to tell me so I can beat his asset. _

As I looked between Jessica and Riley and saw their blatant intrigue with each other I knew that I'd found my way to pay Jessica back.

~MPW~

"But I'm humongous," I cried to Edward as he tried to force me through the door.

_Note: Which, I'll tell you, was no easy feat. Really, kudos to him for trying. _

"Bella, this is a class of pregnant women, most of them are big," he remarked.

"Why can't I just keep doing one-on-one consultations?" I asked.

"Because those are more expensive," he sighed, "Wouldn't you prefer to save money _and _talk with other mothers?"

Truthfully? I did. But realistically, I wouldn't be able to connect with some of the other mothers on the level that I would be the only mother of quadruplets. However, Edward assured me that there was another couple there giving way to twins, so at least there was another multiple birth couple. Still, I wouldn't be able to do a lot of the exercises given my size and weight. This time it wasn't my laziness speaking. I'd actually done pretty well exercising throughout the pregnancy. But as the weeks continued, the weight of my stomach was wreaking havoc on my back.

"You promise you won't leave me alone?" I whimpered.

"Why would I do that?" he kissed my cheek.

"Because you like pregnant women," I pouted, "Don't go chasing any other pregnant booties."

"You're the only pregnant booty I want," he placed a kiss to my pout, "Now let's go."

_Note: Momentarily, I considered that to be the most romantic thing Edward had ever said to me. _

Needless to say, the class wasn't too horrible once we entered. The women were overly enthusiastic to have me amongst them, and squealed over my stomach, which easily outdid theirs.

_Note: Yah, I said it. I had a better pregnant belly than anyone in that room. _

"Bella, it's not a competition," Edward muttered.

_Note: I might have also leaned over to Edward and said it. _

"I'm just saying," I huffed, "If it _was _a competition, I'd win."

"But it's not," he replied.

"I still win." I whispered. But as we began doing exercises, I didn't feel victorious.

You know that infamous scene in _Flashdance _when Jennifer Beals' character looks like the epitome of sex and grace when she dances to 'She's a Maniac'? Yah, well, I didn't look like that. My movements were more akin to Napoleon Dynamite in his ultimate dance scene. Not even Edward could politely keep in his laughs.

_Note: Edward was awarded another three days of celibacy for that. _

_Tip: Denying sex can prove to be one of the greatest punishments._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to do the Napoleon Dynamite dance to it? Tell me, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	32. On Closure

A/N: Thank you so much for your great responses! You guys keep me smiling (: And now, a moment I know a lot of you have been waiting for. Hope it doesn't disappoint!

Quickly: Shout out to the wonderful PMer **anakinsmom!**! She gave me the inspiration for this chapter :D

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**Lesson #32: Closure can come in the weirdest of ways. **

I sighed as I hobbled down the grocery isle, one hand on the cart while another lay beneath my stomach. I seemed to be walking like this permanently nowadays. Nearly twenty-five weeks in, and my stomach didn't seem like it could get much larger. I didn't know what was more distressing –the fact that I had gained thirty pounds in less than half a year, or that I kept knocking things down with every turn. Walking (and I use the term very loosely in my instance) was proving to be increasingly difficult with each week. Normally, Edward was there to help me, but since our fight two nights ago he had been ignoring me.

_Note: Edward was the king of spitefulness. Even if it was my fault in this case, I was slightly disturbed by how well he could ignore my existence. _

_Note 2: He wasn't cruel to me. He still made sure to take care of my needs -well most of my needs -but he hadn't said a word to me in 53 hours and 14 minutes..._

A loud ruckus was made as I reached up to grab a pack of tea from a high shelf. I released a strain of severe cuss words once I saw that I had knocked over several boxes of sugar onto the ground.

_Note: Yes. Even before birth I am cleaning up your messes. _

"Oh fuckopotamus," I cried before attempting my squat-bending routine to pick up the boxes. Of course, I had to grip the shelf so that I wouldn't get stuck and/or spontaneously give birth in that position.

_Note: Want to hear something they don't tell you in birthing resources? Shitting or squatting positions are two things that are a little too close to the labor process for comfort. _

"Bella?"

I froze mid squat, _No, no, no, no, no, no, _

"Bella Swan? Is that you?"

"James Matheson," I growled as I stood up, and turned around to face him.

"Wow…you look," he started, and waved a hand in the general area of my stomach.

"Like I gained thirty pounds from the four children you impregnated me with simultaneously?" I offered. "Yah, that's what happens when you're too cheap to change fucking condoms from your wallet."

"Okay, well, obviously you're not ready for a mature, adult conversation," James scratched the back of his neck, "So, I think I'll be going now."

And then the fucker actually turned and walked away from me.

_Note: Although they warn you about your fluctuating hormones during pregnancy, they don't warn you about the urge to channel your inner Muhammed Ali. _

"What the fuck Bella? Get your hands _off_ of me!" James squealed.

And so I did.

"_Security_!" James bellowed as I whipped him with my handbag. "Help me! Clean up on aisle four! _Someone!_"

"Stop your whining, you little bitch. Clean up on aisle four? I'm a pregnant woman, not a damn can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup! I don't know what I ever saw in you," I huffed as I backed away. "The only time I should ever have contact with you from this moment on is to receive your child support. If you ever come near me or any of _my _children again, I will twist your scrotum in my fist, punch it through your stomach, drag it up through your left nostril, and then reroute it through your right ear. Do you understand me?"

_Note: And those were the last words I said to your biological father._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to smack it with your handbag? Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	33. On Movies

A/N: So I know I said this story would be complete fluff, but I lied a little. There is a little "angst" up ahead. I swear it doesn't last long. That being said, I'm going to post tomorrow because I won't be able to post on Monday *cries*. Thank you everyone for all of the support you've given me throughout this story. We still have quite a bit to go though! Also, I'm glad you guys liked the James confrontation. Sometimes I wish I could actually tell someone off like that ... Alright, enjoy (:

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**Lesson #33: Sometimes life is like a movie.**

"Ah babe, how'd you get yourself stuck in this situation?" Garrett sighed as he adjusted the steering wheel.

_Note: I was literally stuck. _

I sniffled, "I don't know. I just … everything is so wrong."

"We told you not to go out by yourself. You're too large to be behind the wheel," he clucked. He gently wriggled me to see if I could move at all. I winced in pain.

_Note: If it weren't for the fact that I had an excuse to be this large, I would slap Garrett for pointing out my size. _

"I'm sorry, this is probably going to hurt a little," Garrett adjusted the steering wheel once more to give me space.

_Tip: If you are ever pregnant with quadruplets, and I suppose this rule might not apply to all of you depending on your sex, do not try and fit behind a car wheel. _

"There we go, now our beautiful girl can get out," He hooked his arms under my arms and helped me to exit the vehicle. But as we walked, a strong pain hit me in my abdomen. Immediately, I knew something was terribly wrong. Thinking that something had happened to you all, I began to cry.

"Ah, Bells, you don't need to cry," Garrett tried to comfort me, "I'm sure that Eddie will forgive you for whatever happened. Things are just a little hectic now. Don't stress about it."

"Garrett," I clenched onto his shirt as another pang hit, and began to sink to the ground.

"Bella? _Fuck." _He glanced around hurriedly, trying to see what the best approach was. We were currently in the middle of the street. After two seconds, he looped one arm under my knees and one under my back and proceeded to heft me into his arms.

_Note: I used the verb 'heft' because fuck if you all didn't make me four persons heavier. Thinking back on this, I have no idea how Garrett picked me up. I always knew he was fit … but I didn't know he was Hercules. _

Somehow, he managed to deposit me on the lawn beside the car. He then raced inside the house. Time passed so disjointedly after that. The world tilted, and I felt the grass against my side as I lay down. As my vision dimmed around the sides, I couldn't help but think that, in that moment, the world looked like a movie projected on a cinema screen. Except, unlike the cinemas, the scenes fast forwarded, played, rewound, and then finally everything paused.

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	34. On Support

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I absolutely adore you! Like I said, I won't be able to post on tomorrow, but I should be able to late Tuesday. Enjoy!

* * *

**Lesson #34: Family is the people who are there for you. **

I woke up with a variety of tubes connected to me, all of which I attempted to take off.

"Whoa there, cowgirl," Emmett restrained my hand gently, but forcefully, "You don't want to do that."

The monitor picked up my increase in heart rate, "_Cow_girl? Are you really going to call me fat right now, Emmett-,"

"What did I tell you about riling her up?" Daddy Cullen chastised Emmett as he strolled into the room. He emphasized said chastisement with a thwack to Emmett's head with his clipboard, and then proceeded to usher Emmett out. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

"Really confused," I admitted as I sat up and took in my surroundings. I was in a hospital -that much was painfully obvious. But my reasons for being there were lost to me. I traced back to the last thing I could remember, and that was when Garrett put me on the lawn. Tears began to invade my vision, "W-what happened? Are my babies okay?"

"Thankfully, yes, they all are." Daddy Cullen smiled, "But you gave us quite the scare there. Your vitals, including your blood pressure, came back relatively normal. I'm thinking that this was just a response to stress, but I still have some questions. Have you been experiencing any severe headaches, dizziness, or stomach pains over the past two weeks?"

I immediately felt relief, "Only the first one until tonight, and never the second."

"Have you been under any stress lately or been experiencing anything irregular?" he asked.

I looked at him incredulously, but he missed my glare. "Oh, you know, now that you mention it. For the past few months, I've had a little bit of sickness, a few mood swings, and even more peculiarly –_four fucking babies sprouting in my womb._"

He scribbled something down on his chart, an action I found to be ridiculously unsettling as I tried not to picture three different ways to shove the clipboard up Daddy Cullen's ass. I knew I shouldn't be so hostile with him, but my fear of the current situation was causing me to be particularly volatile.

"Bella, I understand you're under a lot of pressure right now," he started professionally, but then finished with a raised brow, "But I don't need your snarkasm."

_Note: Daddy Cullen did just serve me. _

_Note 2: He really did use the hybrid term "snarkasm" _

_Note 3: I was officially speechless. _

I tuned back into Daddy Cullen's mumbling, "Don't know how Edward keeps his balls intact …"

"Edward?" I asked, suddenly noticing his absence with great disappointment, "Is he not here?"

_Is he really that upset at me? _

Daddy Cullen gave me a soft smile as he said, "Actually, we had to set him up in a different room."

My eyebrows furrowed on their own accord, plainly showing my confusion. "What?"

"Well, he was in quite a state, understandably," Daddy Cullen chuckled, "He passed out cold when he saw you."

I sniffled a bit as I giggled with him, "That's…disturbingly sweet. I'm guessing he's okay though?"

Daddy Cullen nodded, "We're just making sure he's –speak of the devil."

All I heard was a large commotion as Edward slid into the doorframe while attempting to run into the room. His hair was in ten different directions not yet discovered by man, while his face was paler than the white walls around me. I waited for his next move, not knowing how he felt about speaking with me. Daddy Cullen discreetly left the room to give us privacy.

"Edward?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

He ran a hand through his hair before slowly approaching my bed. He then lowered his head, giving me the impression that he may bestow me with a kiss. Instead, his head continued lowering until his face rested against my bulging stomach. I felt his tears before I felt his pinch on my forearm.

"What the fuck Edward?" I swatted him away.

He laugh-sniffled, "Sorry, just double checking."

"So pinch yourself," I rubbed at my arm, "I…I honestly don't know what to say to you. I guess I should start with sorry."

"No, Bella, I'm sorry," Edward sighed, "I should have never yelled at you. It wasn't my place to."

"But-,"

"No buts," he continued, "These are your children, and you have the complete right to decide who is allowed in their lives and what position anyone plays in their lives. I should have never overstepped my boundaries that way. I just care for them so much."

"You shouldn't have," I agreed. "Edward it's not that I think you don't care for them, it's that I can't grasp how you want to take on the responsibilities of a father for children who aren't…biologically yours."

Edward laughed, "Bella, I'm adopted to two of the most wonderful people in this world. They didn't have to take me as their responsibility, but they did, and they love me as much, if not more, as others love their children. Biology means nothing to me."

I stroked his cheek, "It isn't fair of me to ask this of you. What if you meet another woman and you want to have children with her?"

Edward's features twisted in confusion, "Why would I ever want another woman if I'm in love with you?"

_Tip: … _

_Tip: -_

_Oh my God._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? I have to say, I'm liking this attitude-y Daddy Cullen. Tell me, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	35. On Love

A/N: I know, I know, I didn't post yesterday! I'm sorry D: Thanks for the patience, and for even reading this story. I love hearing your responses, and appreciate every comment.

Answer to a question: I didn't include the actual fight scene between Edward and Bella, but I hope I've included enough hints in the last + this chapter for you to piece together what happened! Hope this helps (:

Quick note for this story: I'm going to try keeping up with posting every day, however I'm starting classes soon, so they'll most likely be posted at night.

Secondly, I know Esme hasn't been in the story as yet, but she will be! Just letting you know.

Quick note for Camp: So, writing the part II is taking longer than I thought. I'll try and keep you updated as to when the first chapter will be posted, but again, my classes are starting now, so we'll have to see how that goes.

Lastly: These characters aren't mine (in case I haven't said that as yet in this story ..)

Sorry for the long a/n, enjoy!

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**Lesson #35: Never be afraid to confess your love. **

"She's okay son, she's fine, don't –Edward, stay conscious boy!" I heard Daddy Cullen's slap, and could only imagine it left quite a sting on Edward's cheek.

"Bella, for the sake of my son's sanity, please try and stay conscious," Daddy Cullen gave me a bright smile, "While it is very common to experience hypotension during pregnancy and even fainting spells, the added stress of drama really isn't healthy, and should be avoided."

"Dad, can you give us a moment again?" Edward asked, and Daddy Cullen complied. "Bella?"

"Yah, yah, I'm sorry," I grumbled, "Can we rewind to the part where you told me you love me?"

"Is this like the time where you had me write a list of compliments because I ate the last cinnamon bun? Because it's feeling like that time-,"

_Note: This did actually happen. After a day of silent treatment on my part, and Edward apologizing profusely, I only forgave him after he compiled this list. _

_Tip: Don't ever finish my cinnamon buns. _

_Tip #2: Don't even think about it. _

"Edward," I growled.

"What do you want me to say, Bella? Despite the fact that I've only known you for under a year, I'm madly in love with you, and I can't picture myself with any other woman. I thought I'd made that clear to you when I proposed the other day, but apparently I've been _vague._" He threw his hands up in frustration.

"I thought … I thought it was a pity proposal," I explained, "I didn't think you felt as strongly as I do about you. I thought it was one-sided."

"You thought I proposed to you out of pity? Is that why you turned me down?" Edward gawked.

"You're just so nice, and I mean, I do give great sex," I shrugged, "and I thought you wanted the babies not _me." _

"Bella, I bake you cinnamon buns at least three times a week, braid your hair, paint your toes since you can't see them, have skipped every gulf tournament that's aired over the past six months of knowing you, and have even eaten your cooking," he listed, "Do you think I just want you for the amazing sex? And if I wanted some random babies I would have poked holes in all my condoms years ago. I don't just want any woman, or any child. I want _you. _I want _your _children."

I choked on my tears, "You think I'm amazing at sex?"

"Is that all you got out of that entire speech," he squawked.

I laughed as I pulled his face to mine, making sure to translate into the kiss every emotion I felt about him; love, adoration, appreciation, horniness, admiration, gratitude, horniness…

"I really do love you," I murmured as I finally broke away, "Will you be my babies' daddy?"

His responding smile was breathtaking, "Yes."

_Note: As soon as I was discharged from the hospital the following day, Edward and I met with the Justice of the Peace, along with the Jessica and the boys, and said our vows. It was one of the best days of my life._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!


	36. On Maturity

A/N: Thanks for all of the kickass reviews! I hope you all are enjoying the story. I'm not sure why, but this is one of my favorite chapters.

Answer to a question: I didn't actually write out the fight/proposal scene, but what they fought about is hinted at in the story. To paint a better picture: Edward was assuming the role of father so quickly that Bella was having a hard time believing his sincerity, so she turned down his proposal. There aren't any chapters missing, but sorry if some of you got confused!

Alright, enjoy!

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**Lesson #36: Easily, all of the men in this house are less mature than you.**

"So…" Emmett drawled, "I get dibs on first child."

"Second!" Riley shouted as he placed his hand my stomach. Garrett's hand reached my massive belly before Edward's did.

"Oh come on," Edward whined, "How is this even fair?"

_Note: Your father is a whiner. _

"Get off!" I swatted their hands away, "You guys can't just touch my stomach all willy-nilly like that anymore. I'm almost 11 weeks away from labor –I could pop at any moment with the slightest of touches!"

"Edward, did you forget to feed Bella this morning?" Riley whispered.

"Fuck. Off." I growled before producing a hat, "I wrote the numbers 'one' through 'four' on pieces of paper and put them in this hat. The number you pick is the child that you get to name. Edward gets to go first because he'll cry if he doesn't."

_Note: I wasn't joking. _

Edward glared at me, and stuck a hand in the hat. "Ten?"

My cheeks burned red as Emmett guffawed loudly. I kicked him in the shin, "That was not funny Emmett!"

"Let it go, preggo," he snickered.

"I swear it's like I'm living in a house of newborns already," I huffed, "Edward, pick again."

Edward reached inside and withdrew a little slip with the number _4. _I ignored his tantrum throwing as I passed the hat to Riley.

"Number two!" Riley pumped a fist happily.

"Garrett gets to pick next because Emmett is an asshole," I said pointedly.

But it didn't matter anyways because Garrett withdrew a three, leaving Emmett with a shit eating grin on his face.

_Note: Maybe it was fate. _

~MPW~

"_Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt! It is so big." _

"Edward, stop."

I mean, my inner rap genius loved this, but the babies were moving like crazy. Any moment one of them would sit on my bladder, and then all hell would break loose. And by hell, I mean my urine.

"Just a little bit more," he giggled gleefully. He kept his hands on either side of my massive stomach, and began singing once again, "_I like big butts and I cannot lie." _

"You know," I stilled his jiggling movements, "They'll respond to your voice either way. You don't have to embarrass yourself like this, no matter how much I'm enjoying it."

"It's not embarrassing if it's just us here," Edward shrugged, "And we both know it's the song."

"Are you trying to tell me that our children respond to rap?" I laughed heartily.

Edward's expression was completely serious, "Why wouldn't they, considering the fact that you play Salt-n-Pepa for them on repeat? Don't think I didn't see you with the headphones over your stomach."

I coughed, "W-what?"

Edward moved his hands to my ample backside, and used his grip to wiggle my hips. He directed his words to my stomach, and the babies shifted in response. "Quads, your mom has got the cutest pregnant rump I've ever seen. It's a shame it'll be gone by the time you can realize it."

I cackled, "Stop that."

"_I'm hooked and I can't stop staring,"_ Edward laughed along, interrupting the lyrics to press kisses all over my skin. However, he froze as soon as the door creaked open. His face was the color of my blood red painted toenails as he shot upright.

Garrett shuddered as he took in the scene before him, "This family is so messed up."

_Note: The best families are never normal._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of want to jiggle around to it? Why not? Tell me, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	37. On Mothers

A/N: Sorry for not posting yesterday! It was a bad day D: I'll try making it up by posting a chapter later today. Thanks for all of your support, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Shout out: This chapter is dedicated to SunflowerFran, who does amazing work in editing/revising. The mistakes are mine for this story. But for 'Camp' and 'Ashes, Records, and Window Panes,' she cleaned up my sloppiness. So I hope this is the meltdown moment you were looking for SunflowerFran! Thanks for all of your work!

* * *

**Lesson #37: Like Mother like son. **

A multitude of emotions coursed through my veins as I stared at the woman in front of me. With one hand I rubbed my neck, and with the other, I clenched the pillow that I had assaulted her with. I didn't know if it was possible to be so emotionally conflicted, but I was. Anger, mortification, shame, frustration, hysteria; I was a fucking bomb waiting to detonate. This was it. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Isabella, I am _so _sorry," Esme gushed.

"Bella, calm down," Edward reached out to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I stilled his movements with a glare.

"Yah, it was just a joke," Emmett shrugged.

"A joke?" I screeched.

"Well, we just thought, since your first meeting with Edward was when he sat on your face …" Riley started.

"You thought you'd recreate that scene?"

_Note: I was so angry my left eye was twitching. _

"You were kind of easy prey," Gared chuckled nervously, "All we had to do was put some covers over you, and then tell Esme where to sit."

"You boys are horrible," Esme chastised them, "I could have seriously injured her!"

"Nah, Bella's resilient," Emmett assured her.

At that point, I wasn't even seeing clearly, but I could at least see the blurred forms of the boys in front of me as I calculated my next moves. Fury boiled beneath my skin, the overwhelming heat making my face redden.

"I can't take this anymore," I growled, "Most of the time you men are loving and tentative, but then other times you are so horrifically obnoxious and insensitive!"

"Uh, Bella …" Edward tried again.

"You fucked up my meeting with my mother-in-law for some _prank_?" I screamed as I hobbled towards the closet.

"Dude, she's actually kind of scary now," Riley muttered.

"Scary?" I yelled, "Riley, I'm about to make Lorena Bobbitt look tame."

_Tip: Always have a foam baseball bat on hand in case you need to discipline your uncles and father. _

_Note: While some might call hitting them between the legs and in the forehead cheap-shots, I would prefer to call them 'tactical hits'. _

_Note #2: I beat the shit out of them. _

~MPW~

"I'm not sure Edward will be able to father any children for you anymore, dear," Esme said as she massaged the heat rub into my neck muscles. I winced as she hit a knot.

"Oh, I went easy on him," I chuckled darkly, "For the most part, Edward has been a saint to me. The other three are also blessings, but they really know how to mess with me."

"I know," Esme clucked before saying softly, "I am truly sorry for sitting on your head."

"Yah, well," I sighed, "Yah."

"I mean, I'm normally horrible at introductions," she continued, "But this has been my worse to date. If I think about it, I'm really quite mortified. My bottom cheeks touched your ear. I am _so _sorry."

"Esme," I stopped her rambling; she was almost worse than Edward. In that moment, I realized where Edward had gotten his endearing awkwardness from. "I don't want to relive it. It's fine. I know it wasn't your fault."

_Note: However, Edward really did have the record for the most awkward rambling. _

"Nevertheless, it was awful," she concluded, "I hope this helps."

"This feels wonderful, thank you," I told her.

She continued applying and rubbing the analgesic into my skin before her phone rang, and she excused herself. While she talked outside the bathroom, I sat on the toilet in a disheveled state. Esme had treated me with nothing but kindness from the moment we'd been alone together. She didn't even bring up the fact that I had walloped her with the cushion pillow. I couldn't believe it when she had begun apologizing so profusely for sitting on my head. In all honesty, it was me who should be apologizing to her. My eyes watered as I thought about how inconsiderate I'd been. In the baby-craze and Edward induced love-haze I'd completely overlooked the fact that I had never met the woman who had adopted and raised Edward. Someone who was such an intricate part to his life had been completely unknown to me. I didn't know how I had met with Daddy Cullen so many times, and never come across Esme. It was really unacceptable.

"Oh dear, why are you crying?" Esme said as she tucked me into her arms, "Is it the boys? Do you need some time to yourself? You can come stay with Carlisle and me for a while if you need to. Being in a house with four men must be traumatizing."

"No," I sniffled, "I mean, at times, it has been hard living with them. Just last week Emmett made a wreath out of five of my underwear and stapled them to the door. But otherwise they've really been amazing. It's just that this whole pregnancy has thrown me for a loop, and completely switched my priorities around. It's really unforgivable that I'm only meeting you now, Esme. I mean, I'm married to your son. You weren't even able to come to the ceremony."

Esme gave me a soft smile, "Though I never had a babe myself, I can imagine that things are a crazy for you now with four on the way. And while I wish I could have met you sooner, I've quite enjoyed most of our meeting. Seeing what a fierce, capable, and beautiful woman you are gives me relief. My only regret is the time I missed out on getting to know you. But we have plenty of time. And from what Edward told me, I know you plan on having a more elaborate wedding later, so I intend to be fully involved in that."

My crying increased as I held onto her, "Thank you for being so understanding. I'm so glad to have met you too. Do you really think that highly of me?"

"Yes, I do," Esme confirmed.

"Even if I'm a crazy pregnant woman?" I sniffled.

"Yes, Bella," Esme laughed, "Even if you are a crazy pregnant woman."

_Note: Your Grandma Esme is an amazing woman. I can't wait until you get to meet her._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know, I'd love to hear! (Mistakes are mine. )

~CH


	38. On Lesson 36

A/N: *clears throat* Yah, so I can't even attempt to tell you what my posting schedule will be like ... I'm still trying out this one per day thing, but it's getting a little hairy (being a mini-adult is so haaard), so thanks for putting up with this! I'm glad so many of you are enjoying the story, and I hope you'll stick with it (: Also, my apologies to those who are getting confused -I don't expressly write out some scenes (ex. the fight scene, or when Esme sat on Bella's head), so it might feel like you've missed something, but you didn't. I try to give you enough information through the dialogue because I honestly don't want to write eeeverrryything out. Plus, sometimes I think it's funnier if you're just submerged right in the middle of the drama. But, for the future, I'll try to make things clearer so you're not left feeling lost. So, without further ado, here is the next chapter. Thanks for reading!

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**Lesson #38: Refer to lesson #36**

I sat with my thighs clenched, hoping to will away the building feeling in my lower regions. But steadily the feeling intensified, causing me to bite my lip with emotion. Suddenly, I couldn't hold out any longer.

"Garrett, I need to pee," I breathed.

"I was just about to start," Garrett complained, "And you went fifteen minutes ago."

"Are you really going to argue with her about that?" Jessica raised a brow, "She's pregnant."

So, in record timing (which for me in this state was ten minutes), I made my way to the bathroom and then back to the kitchen floor. By the time I returned, Garrett had successfully laid out the equipment, and the other guys were waiting excitedly.

Just as Jessica reached for my stomach, I stopped her, "What if I go into labor?"

"Bella, you're not going to give birth just because I touched your stomach with a paintbrush, now sit still." Jessica hissed as she dipped her brush into the non-toxic paints.

We had decided to make a welcome gift for the lot of you, and Emmett had come up with this wonderful idea. However, it was Garrett who was taking charge of the activity. He coordinated who used which colors, and who got which words. I was, admittedly, pretty excited about the outcome. I wished that Daddy Cullen and Esme could be here for the festivities, but much like the day of my wedding, Daddy Cullen was working, and Esme was out of town on a conference. Nonetheless, we were having heaps of fun. Well, sort of.

"Dude, get away from my stomach," Riley swatted at Emmett's hand, "You can't even spell."

"How would you know if you can't _read_?" Emmett retorted.

"Just leave him alone, Emmett," Garrett rolled his eyes, "He just wants Jessica's hands near his crotch."

Jessica cackled, "Been there, done that."

We all became silent.

"What? As if you didn't know," Jessica waved a hand nonchalantly, "It's okay, I'll paint your stomach for you Riley."

Riley could only nod, his face colored a deep pink.

_Tip: Your life gets exponentially better with each blush Uncle Riley makes, so be sure to make him do it as much as possible. _

"Bella, can you paint my stomach?" Edward asked, "Garrett keeps painting testicles on my chest."

"Guys, for fuck's sake, can you just paint what you're meant to paint?" I huffed. "I want to get this over with before I need to use the bathroom again."

Fifteen minutes, and three minor paint battles later, we successfully managed our painting. The guys posed with their chests bared, while Jessica and I stood proudly in sports bras.

_Note: My bra could more accurately be described as two parachutes sewn together._

It took us another five minutes to stand in front of the camera in the correct order (which was pitiful given our ages and our acclaimed academic achievements), and get the timer set. By the time we were finished, I was on the floor in laughter as the group around me, _our family, _tickled me mercilessly. I am not ashamed to write that I peed myself in the process.

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Feel like you need to go to the bathroom when you read it? That's not an expected response, but tell me, I'd love to hear! (Okay, maybe not about the bathroom...)

~CH


	39. On Imitation

A/N: If you haven't seen the movie _Spaceballs, _I would HIGHLY suggest looking up the "John Hurt alien can-can" scene on youtube before reading this. That being said, it's pretty (hilariously) gruesome, so if you're at work I'd be cautious about watching it (I don't even know how you would explain something like that ...) Alright, so a big moment is coming up! Thanks for all of your support, and I hope you enjoy (:

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**Lesson #39: Art imitates life, and vice versa. **

Hopefully, by the time you read this, someone in this family would have shown you the 1987 masterpiece of a movie, _Spaceballs_. If you have not already seen this movie, then I would ask you to postpone reading this journal entry, and watch it. If you have seen this movie, then I can, without a doubt, tell you that your birth was akin to the scene when the alien emerges from John Hurt's body.

_Note: Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. But let me tell you, it was pretty damn close._

It started off as a relatively normal evening…

_Note: Well as normal as it gets in the Cullen-McCarthy-Biers-Denali household. _

"If you don't stop laughing this instant, I-I'll-," I threatened.

"You'll wet –I mean, _get _upset," Emmett clutched his side in hysterics.

"It's not funny," my cheeks were burning with embarrassment.

"Come on, Bella, we're just having a tit –I mean, a _bit _of fun," Riley high fived Garrett.

I narrowed my eyes at them, "If you don't stop I'll… I'll hold my breath."

"Alright, enough of this," Jessica coughed to suppress her laugh before saying, "I don't think we can _milk _this joke any longer."

They all guffawed loudly, not caring that I did not find the wet spots on my shirt the least bit amusing. Apparently, my lactating bra was not up to the challenge today. For that reason, as soon as Emmett had seen the wet spots on my shirt, he began his endless list of jokes. Soon enough, the rest of the gang joined in.

"Hey, all of you, spot, I mean –damn it, stop it!" Edward rushed to my side, but the damage had already been done. I hoped he knew he wouldn't be dipping his ladle in my honey pot any time soon. In the meantime, I would make them squirm. I would make them feel so horribly about making fun a pregnant that they'd never make fun of me again. I sucked in a large breath, and then waited.

_Note: If you do this to me or your father, we will leave you holding your breath. _

"Alright, alright, Bella, we're done," Emmett rolled his eyes, "No need to get all pissed about it."

"Yah, hun, you can stop holding your breath now," Jessica chuckled as she wiped a tear from her face.

I raised a brow at them as I sat down, still refusing to breathe. I very well couldn't hold my breath _and_ stand up. I was five weeks away from labor, and could not handle that kind of multitasking. It was a wonder that I had even lasted this long. Daddy Cullen had been sure I'd be on bed rest several weeks ago.

"Don't worry, guys, she used to do this all the time to me," Emmett said, "I bet she's not even holding her breath."

"Uh, actually," Riley corrected, "Her face is kind of blue."

"Bella, we're sorry," Edward said, "Stop it before you pass out."

"Yah, Bells, we were just having a few laughs," Garrett said.

"We won't make fun of you anymore," Riley promised.

"Eh, yah, what he said," Emmett agreed.

We all looked at Jessica, and waited for her apology.

"I kind of want to see how long she lasts," Jessica shrugged.

But I didn't last long at all. Apparently, along with spicy food, exercise, and sex, asphyxiation also brings on labor.

I took a staggering breath, and said, "Mother of pearl -,"

"Told you she wouldn't last long," Emmett muttered.

"No, no, no, you idiot!" I screamed as I felt wetness spread in my stretch jeans, "Thunderbirds are go! Thunderbirds are go!"

Everyone froze in the moment, shock apparent on all of their faces. They were so surprised that I might as well have been lying on a counter in a diner with an alien spawn doing the can-can in front of me. I couldn't help the anger that built inside of me –this was the point of the code word _thunderbirds. _It was nice to know that all our preparation for this moment went to shit. So, instead of using code words, and instead of alerting them politely, I made sure that they knew exactly what was going on.

My face was certainly blue as I shouted, "I'M HAVING MY FUCKING BABIES."

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Like it? Love it? Can't wait until these babies are born? Me too, it's been a long journey! Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	40. On Aliens

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and for reading. Alright, here they are!

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**Lesson #40: Babies are sometimes no cuter than aliens.**

Unfortunately (or fortunately for you), I can't tell you much of what happened during your actual birth. Apart from the two fucking hours I spent resisting the urge to push while the doctors assessed my situation, I was relatively drugged for most of the process.

Although, I must say, nothing compares to the experience of being awake during a C-section. That part was unforgettable, and the sensations were something I'd never felt before. At first I'd felt the slight pressure of the scalpel as it pressed against my stomach, and then the give of my skin. Afterwards, I felt the probing of the doctor's fingers as he gently, _gently _tugged and removed you from me. I wanted to crane my neck to see, but there was a surgical sheet separating me from you. Somewhere in my mind I felt the anxieties of our separation, but the anesthesia kept me calm. My fingers itched to touch you.

My babies. I can never fully explain to you the feeling of having your babies placed in your arms, and can only hope you'll know the feeling by experiencing it yourself one day. It's as if…it's as if your life had some other meaning until that very moment when an almost nonexistent weight is placed in your arms. You look down at your bundle of life, a bundle you took part in creating, and your heart no longer beats for you –it beats for the life you're holding. And if you ever had any doubts about what 'love' felt like, all those doubts disappear. This is love. You are love.

But I'd be a liar if I said you were cute when you first came out.

I mean, I have to be honest. You were all wrinkly, had slightly disproportionate heads, and were covered in a considerable amount of my bodily fluids. Even after they wiped you off, you were this awful beet-root color. But you were my little Yodas, and I loved you all the same.

Oh wait, I haven't written the best part as yet.

I wish I could sketch so I could accurately show you what your father's face looked like after he regained consciousness. It was a cross between pure awe, adoration, and slight constipation. Also, was too scared to hold you for the first thirty minutes after they'd cleared your health.

It was another few hours before the others were allowed to come into the room (for health regulations, you see). Edward had successfully gotten two of you settled in his arms, while I had the others nestled against my chest. There were thin bands around each of your wrists, documentations as to which baby was taken out first. We handed each of you to your uncles in the order you were born, and smiled as we saw the look of wonder on their faces. Even Jessica had tears in her eyes as she looked at you. Esme and Daddy Cullen stood close by, holding each other as they smiled in adoration. I knew my parents would have similar expressions when they reached the hospital. Finally, each of your uncles told me your names.

"Eric," Emmett said.

"Royce," Riley smiled.

"Gared," Garrett told us.

We waited for Edward to tell us the name of the last of you, the smallest baby of you four. Already, Edward was consumed with the baby in his arms. Jessica nudged Edward, so we would learn the last baby's name.

"Emily," Edward choked on his words, "Her name is Emily."

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? I really do think newborns are oddly extra wrinkly, but they're still precious nonetheless.

Side note: So, scientifically speaking, I know that probability of having three boys and one girl in quadruplets is really low (given the way the egg+sperm meet, and the splitting of the zygote blah blah), but I'm just going to overlook that for this story. Though my inner science major cringed at this, I hope those of you who thought about this let it slide.

~CH

~CH


	41. On Exhaustion

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you're enjoying the story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Sorry my posting has been a bit erratic! Ahaha, also thanks to those who let the "science aspect" slide. Enjoy (:

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**Lesson #41: It's okay to accept help.**

"I can't do this," I cried, surrounded by four wailing cradles, "They're eating me alive!"

"Honey, please, calm down," Mom flitted around the room, "Only Roy and Eric are hungry for now, the other two have just shat themselves."

I sniffled as I headed over to the two cradles on the left side of mine and Edward's blow up mattress. Since we couldn't fit four cradles into the 'master bedroom', we had blown up a queen-sized mattress in their room. Emmett had graciously given up his room for the Quads, and had been bunking in our room until we returned. He would then transfer to Garrett's room.

_Note: Do I even need to say how amazing your uncles are? _

I tried to calm myself as the two babies latched on. It was three months into your lives, and I was having what seemed to be a nervous breakdown. You all were in relatively perfect health despite your premature births, but I felt as if I was doing everything incorrectly. What if I didn't feed you enough? What if I didn't hold you all equally? What if I didn't distribute my time enough to notice that something was wrong with one of you?

Your grandparents were wonderful throughout it all. They stayed longer than I had expected them to the first few weeks, and then came back again two weeks ago to help. Of course, your uncles helped us as much as they could, but keep in mind they also had jobs.

"Bella, try not to cry, darling," Esme comforted me and brushed her hand through my hair while I finished with Roy and Gared. Emily and Eric were up next for feeding, eagerly smacking their lips in anticipation. "I know you're sore and tired, but I promise it will get better."

"What if I don't have enough milk?" I whimpered, "They're so _small._"

"Please, have you seen your tits baby? They're massive," Mom cackled, "You won't be running out any time soon."

But I didn't laugh like I normally would have. Instead, I cried more, suddenly worried with my appearance. I couldn't see how Edward could stand me with the way I looked. He assured me that he found me beautiful as always, but I swore I could hear the tell-tale tightening of his voice as he lied. Or was I just that paranoid?

"It's a shame they have blond hair," Mom murmured.

"Renee!" Esme hissed.

"What?" she rolled her eyes, "You know I love my grandbabies –all I'm saying is that they better get _something _from you, Bella. I'm hoping for your pretty eyes and your lips."

I shook my head at her antics, knowing she meant well. After Emily and Eric were finished, you all went straight to sleep. I spent the next hour or so pumping to get a few bottles filled because, realistically, I couldn't always breast-feed you all given the high demand.

"All finished?" Mom asked.

I nodded tiredly, "Yah. I guess. I should probably clean up this room…"

"Go sleep honey. Renee and I will be fine with the Quads," Esme offered.

"Really?" But before they could confirm, I left the room.

The effort was in vain. I laid in my old bed with eyes wide open. Physically, I was exhausted. Mentally, I couldn't shut up. I thought of all the things I needed to get done, and all the things I already did. I worried about whether you all were too hot with the AC off, and whether I should change you into thinner onesies. For the first few weeks I couldn't lift you much due to my scar, and that made me feel as inadequate as ever.

"Bella? Babe?"

I would have to tell Edward that he needed a new, non-baby related term of endearment. After constantly being surrounded by four babies, I needed a bit of a reprieve.

_Note: I love you all, never mistake that. Just understand that I was going through a hard, exhausting time. _

"Hey, sweetie, I'm sorry," Edward pressed a kiss to the side of my head after setting something down on the table. My nose immediately picked up the smell. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, I was awake," I mumbled.

"Did you not get any sleep? Renee said you've been in here for two hours."

"I was trying," my eyes watered, "I just couldn't. I should check on the babies."

"Hey, hey, that wasn't supposed to make you upset," he ushered me to lie down again. "I already checked on them, and they're fine, but I'll go watch over them now. I missed them so much when I was at work. You can relax for a bit more. Here, this should cheer you up."

He presented me with a plate stacked high with gooey, delicious cinnamon buns, a treat I should have jumped at. But for some reason, I couldn't find it in me to eat one.

"I, um, thanks Edward," I rubbed his hand tenderly, "But I don't think I'm hungry."

The plate clattered against the bedside table as Edward stared at me in shock.

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of had a heart attack when Bella turned down the cinnamon buns? I did too. I'd love to hear what you think! Sorry for any mistakes!  
~CH


	42. On Introductions

A/N: This chapter is pretty uneventful, but here it is! Hope you're enjoying the story (: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Heads up, I think there are only about 15 or so more chapters.

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**Lesson #42: You never know how some people will enter your life.**

"First off, I'd like to say that although this setting is not…ideal, you can trust that I will handle your case professionally and tactfully," Dr. Hale smiled as she handed me a tissue. But as she moved, the air mattress squelched beneath her, and her smile faltered momentarily. However, Rosalie was so beautiful that she made the movement seem graceful. "What's important for you to understand is that many women have postpartum depression."

I stopped her by slapping my palm to her mouth, and listened intently to see if the Quads had been disturbed. "Don't use that word around them."

I felt her smile beneath my hand as she looked to the cradles surrounding us. She slowly removed my hand from her mouth, "Right. Bella, I understand that you don't want to be away from them for longer than necessary, but even being in the next room would improve our appointment."

Reluctantly, I led us into my bedroom, and invited her to sit on my bed. She almost looked relieved that only the springs sounded beneath her. Poor woman. I knew she was making this house visit as a favor to Daddy Cullen, but she just looked so uncomfortable.

"I just want to thank you for doing this," I told her, "I know we're not paying you, and you are really pressed for time, so I truly appreciate this."

"Nonsense, Bella," Rosalie smiled genuinely, "The Cullens are family to me, which makes you family by extension."

My eyes welled with tears, "I'm sorry, I'm not normally this emotional."

"It's one of the characteristics of PPD," Rosalie laid her hand over mine, "This is completely understandable given the circumstances. I know it's a touchy subject, but I'd like you to lead me through your pregnancy, starting with your altercation with the Quad's biological father."

So I told her the story, starting from 'he whose name shall not be mentioned', and ending with the moment Edward suggested I started seeing a therapist. I had originally rebelled at his suggestion, and pointed out that it was not completely unheard of for me to not want a cinnamon bun. But even as those words left my lips, I knew I was lying.

_Tip: If you ever want to test my mental state, offer me a cinnamon bun. _

_Tip #2: Actually, whenever you feel like it, offer me a cinnamon bun. _

As our session began to wrap up, Emmett burst through the door, shaking his backside to whatever rump-shaking song was blasting through his headphones. You'd think he'd be embarrassed after doing such a dance in front of a stunning specimen like Rosalie, but alas, your uncle was unabashed. Instead, he dropped to his knees and proposed.

_Tip #3: Do not use your Uncle Emmett as an example for anything. _

And that, my babies, is how your Uncle Emmett met your Aunt Rosalie.

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!  
~CH


	43. On Aim

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you're all enjoying the story. My postings are late, and I try to do them quickly so sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

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**Lesson #43: It's all about the aim.**

"Bella, please, no!" Emmett cried as I held the powder up to his throat like a switchblade. I had finally backed him into a wall, and ripped his shirt from off of his nose. I pried the kitchen tongs from him, and tossed them across the room. He sunk to the ground, and wrapped his arms around my legs as he pleaded in desperation. "Don't make me do this! Rose, help!"

"No, Rose, sit down," I commanded as I turned back to Emmett, "I can't believe in his _seven _months of living you have not _once _wiped Eric's ass! Now reach inside of that bag and take out an ass wipe."

"Please stop cursing around my children," Edward called from down the hall.

"It's just so, oh God, I think I'm going to gag," Emmett retched as soon as he stood up. He had to place his hands on the changing table to steady himself.

"Is someone filming this? This is fucking hilarious," Garrett laughed as he patted Gared's back.

"Stop cursing around my children!" Edward yelled.

"I'm on it," Jessica said. She had her phone recording in one hand while Roy was sleeping on her lap.

_Note: Roy spent most of his time sleeping, and I often wonder if it's a sign for the future…_

"Alright, now that you've wiped, sprinkle –Emmett that's talcum powder –where the fuck did you get talcum powder? Wipe it off!" I squealed as I reached for a laughing Eric.

_Note: You quads found it particularly funny when I freaked out. You might think it was a coincidence, but you consistently laughed your heads off when I went crazy. _

"What's wrong with talc powder?" Emmett asked as I wiped down Eric with a handful of baby wipes. "I use it all the time on my jock-itches."

"Emmett, this," I held up Eric to him, "Is a baby. Babies have delicate skin. It is not the same as the skin on your _testicles._"

"I'm sorry," Emmett said softly.

Let it be recorded that your Uncle's eyes actually watered.

_Tip: Although Uncle Emmett may appear tough, he's probably the softest guy in the household (after Edward). Don't be fooled by his act. _

"It's okay," I sighed, "I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I guess it's an …understandable mistake. This is your first time."

Emmett nodded with a new look of determination on his face, "Alright. It's go time. I'm ready to get this right."

He took Eric from my arms and planted him softly on the changing table. As soon as Emmett reached for a new diaper, a steady stream of pee hit him in the shoulder.

_Note: I had never been prouder of Eric than in that moment._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of wish you could high-five Eric? Me too. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	44. On Apples

A/N: I absolutely adore your reviews! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Enjoy the chapter (:

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**Lesson #44: The apple does not fall far from the tree. **

"Okay, Quads," I heard Esme murmur. I watched her from my spot at the door, and was thoroughly amused. Seeing her with you was always a riot. Edward had been adopted at about 5 years of age, and for that reason, Esme had little experience with babies. None, to be more specific. And while Esme oozed motherly love, I could definitely see where Edward's awkwardness came from. "Here's the deal; Mommy is taking a nap, and Daddy is at work, so I'm in charge."

Roy began crying.

"Oh shit, I mean, poop," Esme fumbled, "I didn't mean to sound so bossy!"

She pulled my fat baby into her arms.

_Note: Because let's face it, Royce was humongous. You all didn't know it, but he actually got fed more than all of you, and was two pounds heavier. _

"Don't cry," she begged, before peeking into his diaper, "You can't be hungry either. Come on, Roy. Let's not wake up the other three, okay?"

Roy's cries increased, so I reached for the door, fully prepared to put Esme out of her misery. However, her next words stopped me.

"Should Grandma do the _thing_?" she asked, "Is that what you want from me? I thought we all agreed I'd never do it again."

Roy answered with his fusses.

"Okay, okay," Esme placed Roy in his crib, which resulted in a brief escalation of his cries. But as soon as she picked up his little hands, and assisted my nine month old to his feet, he began to quiet almost as if he knew what was coming. Then Esme began to chant while she waved his arms back and forth.

_What the hell … _

_Note: I'll admit, I was two seconds away from removing Roy from Esme given her sudden showcasing of potential occult activity, but I had to remind myself that she was Edward's mother, and if she had raised him, then she couldn't be that bad. _

Softly, but surely, Esme's small chants came to my ears as Roy's crying stopped completely, "_Oh baby, I wanna get with you, and take your picture. My homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so hor- _My God, these lyrics are absolutely detestable! Furthermore, they shouldn't please you as much as they do. Edward and Bella should truly be ashamed."

I finally entered the room, "Then why do you know all the words?"

_Note: And just as your father's face turned several shades of red, so did your Grandmother's. _

_Tip: Get Esme to rap for you as much as possible._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Kind of love a rapping Esme? I do! I'd love to hear what you think (: Mistakes are all mine.

~CH


	45. On Waiting

A/N: I'm so sorry! I know I dropped off the face of the Earth for a bit, but I'm trying to keep up with my work load. Thanks to all those who have stuck around, read, and reviewed. I enjoy reading every piece of feedback and am very grateful for it! This is a short chapter, but as you might be able to tell from the time this is posted, it's pretty late and I have class in the morning, so this is all I can put up for now. Sorry for any mistakes as well! Hope you enjoy (:

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**Lesson #45: Some things are worth waiting for.**

I sniffled as I pulled a little crocheted hat over Emily's head. Her white-blonde strands allowed the cap to slide on easily. With my thumbs, I brushed a few strands from her forehead. I couldn't believe it. My babies would be a year old tomorrow.

She smiled as I pressed a kiss to both of her cheeks. Mentally, I willed her to say the word I was desperate to hear. Her pearly little white teeth shone with her drool. _She was more than willing to call for Edward, _I thought bitterly. But I couldn't be greedy. The three boys had all said my name first. I glanced over at the other three sleeping bundles.

_Note: They slept a lot more than Emily did. _

"You have some lazy brothers, don't you Ellie?" I kissed her cheeks again, drawing a laugh from her, "Come on. Say it. _Mama_."

She brought her lips to my cheek instead, something I couldn't be dissatisfied with. However, that didn't stop me from chanting, "_Mama_."

"Ma!" Gared called from his cot as soon as he woke up. "Mama, Mama, Mama."

He said the word as if it could replace every word in a sentence. In my opinion it could.

"Hi mommy's little third child," I greeted him excitedly.

_Note: I know, what an original nickname. _

"Mama," he cooed as I walked over to him. I brushed back his field of thick, corn-yellow curls. Gared had quite the head of hair on him already, and I was dreading the thought of having to comb it in later years.

"Mama!" Roy cheered, now awake. Soon, Eric joined in on the chorus.

Then (because she definitely could not be left out) Emily said in the smallest of voices, almost questioningly, "Mama."

It was music to my ears.

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know, I'd love to hear!

~CH


	46. On Raisins

A/N: This one is a little longer than normal, but hopefully it makes up for my awkward posting schedule (I hope). Thanks for the reviews, and for the well wishes! I love hearing from you guys, and your support keeps me going (: There won't be too many chapters left to this story. Also, because I don't want it to drag, there will be age gaps. But I'll give you clues as to how old the Quads are in each entry. Lastly, sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!

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**Lesson #46: Stay away from Raisins. **

I leaned over and tongued the pasta sauce quickly. Flavor bloomed into my mouth, while pride washed over me. I was getting better at this cooking thing, and it felt marvelous. I couldn't wait for Edward and the other two guys to get home, and witness my progress. Meanwhile, Riley was with you Quads in the study room/play area giving you a snack. It was hard to have only one person man you Quads, but I trusted _almost_ every member of my family alone with you.

_Note: Grandpa Charlie was still a bit questionable after the incident in which he forgot Roy on the potty. You all were about two and a half, and potty training has proven to be a really delicate process. Roy refused to use the toilet alone for the next four months after that. _

Now, a year later, you all were independent enough to walk between the rooms, but still obedient enough to stay put if we told you to. We had to be highly disciplined with the four of you. It was far too easy for you all to rise up against the one adult in charge and overthrow them. Anarchy at its finest.

"Bella?"

Riley pulled me from my thoughts. I glanced behind him to see that he had left the door to the study open, giving me a clear view of you all. Snack time seemed to be done, so I had no fears of you being alone briefly. I also looked down to see that Eric was behind him. When I moved to get a clearer view of my baby, Riley shifted in front of me. I looked at him, suspicious of his actions.

"Eric? Come to Mommy," I said firmly. Eric began to comply, knowing that I pulled rank.

Riley stopped him, "Okay, Bella, before you freak out, I really think this isn't a big deal."

_Note: Telling a mother "not to freak out" and expecting her not to do it is like sending your husband to the grocery store and expecting him to get everything you asked for. It's just not going to happen. _

"Eric, come here," I tried to keep my voice level, but it was already sounding quite shrill.

Eric toddled forward, a large smile on his face despite the fact that he was pinching the bridge of his nose. "Mommy, look! I got a raisin up my nose!"

_Note: I actually lunged towards Riley before realizing that I needed to remove the raisin from Eric's nose. Nevertheless, Eric guffawed in amusement at my reaction because, as I might have mentioned before, you Quads found it particularly funny when I freaked out._

"I got tweezers!" Riley extended the flat edged object towards me as both a peace offering and a weapon of defense, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I ignored him as I tipped Eric's head back and looked to see if the raisin was reachable. Thankfully, since it was visible, it wasn't that far up the nasal canal. As gently and as deftly as I could, I plucked the traitorous, dried fruit out.

"Aw, Mommy," Eric whined, "I wanted to show the others!"

"Sorry, baby," I kissed his forehead, "I'm sure they'll still find it cool if you go tell them the story."

"Okay," he pouted, "Can I keep the raisin?"

_Tip: Try to be subtle about how fucking gross kids can be. _

"Hell no, baby," I patted his bottom affectionately, and steered him back towards the play room. With a disappointed pout still in place, he scampered off.

The rational part of me knew that it wasn't Riley's fault, but the irrational part of me was pissed that my child had a raisin in his nose. I launched myself onto Riley's back, keeping him in a choke hold as I sunk my teeth into his earlobe.

"_Bella,_" Riley cried.

"Go Mommy, go Mommy!" the Quads cheered.

"You come into my house," I started.

"Actually, _you _came into this house," he growled as he tried to detach me.

"You feed _my _babies!" I continued.

"You asked me to!" he screeched.

"And you get a raisin stuck up my baby's nose?" I accused.

"I didn't mean to," he defended as he grabbed my legs, "This is crazy! Bella, seriously, this is the fourth time you've done this to me this month. Get off!"

"Crazy? This isn't crazy," I grinned evilly as I cued the Quads in, "Quads, what is this?"

_Note: You caught on immediately because you, my babies, are all wonderfully intelligent. _

The Quads shouted in unison, "This is Sparta!"

_Note: And that is the story of how Uncle Riley was banned from snack time, and why you are not allowed to eat raisins._

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Ever had a raisin stuck up your nose? For some reason the idea scares me. Tell me about it, I'd love to hear!

Disclaimer: the movie '300' was quoted/referenced in this chapter.

~CH


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